| “Sotah” (Naomi Ragen) | “Growing With My Children” (Sarah Shapiro) |
| קטע זה שונה לאחר שקבלתי הערות מהעורכת (ראה מכתב המצורף). | |
| דינה היא אשה חרדית ירושלמית שהסתבכה ברומן מחוץ לנשואים ונאלצה ע”י משמרת הצניעות לברוח לארה”ב ולעבוד כעוזרת בית (משרתת) אצל אשה חילונית עשירה בניו יורק. הנושא הוא המתיחות בין אורח חיים דתי לחילוני. לדינה, אשה ישראלית, קשה להתבטא באנגלית. דינה נדהמת מאורח החיים החילוני שמעולם לא ראתה בעיניה: חוצפת הילדים כלפי אימם, היעדר כבוד, תוכניות הטלוויזיה הגרועות, העובדה שהילדים אינם עוזרים בבית, ואיך שהם אינם מקפידים על נקיון חדריהם. | שפירו, עולה חדשה מארה”ב, מעסיקה את סוניה, בחורה דתית ספרדית (סטודנטית באוניברסיטה) לעזור לה במשק הבית ובילדים. סוניה אומרת לשפירו שהיא רוצה להישאר דתיה. שתי הדמויות הן דתיות. סוניה מדברת בצליל איטלקי. סוניה נדהמת ממצב הנקיון בבית, ואיך הילדים צועקים ומרביצים אחד לשני ואינם מכבדים את הזולת, בעיקר אימם. לדעתה, כשלונה של שפירו הוא כשלון דתי. שפירו נפגעת מההערה אך מקבלת אותה. אין פה מתח חילוני-דתי: שתיהן דתיות. |
| But in my home nobody ever raised his voice. I never heard my parents raise their voice to us or to each other. In a religious home, the children say softly: Mother, please or “Thank you, Mother. We were ashamed not to help our parents. We fought only over who could do more. (348) דמיון מסיום בלשון מאחר ששני הדוברים אינם דוברי אנגלית. דינה מתארת את מאפייני החיים החרדיים: כבוד לזולת, דיבור בשקט ולא בצעקות, מאפיינים של אורח חיים חרדי, של משפחתה שתואה כבר קודם (עמודים 22 – 24). “Ima worked so hard, so endlessly. None of the other children could bear the idea of adding another wrinkle to her collection. They tried to handle their problems by themselves and each one took responsibility for the younger ones. (p.27) There was a lot of activity during breakfast with eight of them around the table to feed and get off. Yet there was no shouting, no pushing…Most of all, the unquestioned respect- and no small touch of fear- for their mother made the children lower the flame beneath whatever unacceptabe rages they felt boiling within them. Most of the time they were perfectly good natured, perfectly happy.” | In our house there was a high quality of life; nobody ever raised his voice. We used to fight among ourselves only for who would have the privilege of washing dishes for our mother. That is the way we lived. I never heard my parents raise their voices for us or to each other. In a religious family, the children say “Mommy please and Mommy thank you.” p. 341 |
| She felt herself shrinking, as if the hard substance of her ego were being sucked out of her, leaving behind a thin, fragile shell. Joan feels her ego sucked out of her, leaving her empty. She isn’t embarrassed, doesn’t want to run away. The “hard” substance of her ego is drained out of her, leaving her empty and vulnerable. With Shapiro it’s the opposite: She becomes “a tennis ball” “A tight little ball” compact, hard, that she describes as if someone has hit her and thrown her far away: “flung backwards.” Joan never thinks the girl is wrong, just that she has no right to criticize, as she an employee. Dina doesn’t criticize Joan in front of the children. | The moment froze. I see now in my mind’s eyes a photograph of Rachel, Dinah and Elisheva all staring at me. I hear Eli banging on something in the next room, and Avivah making soft conversation to herself. And here I am, my self shrinking into a tennis ball, a tight little ball sucking itself speedily backwards into the distance. To get away from this….The children—the children are watching me. Shapiro feels like running away, shrinking into a tight little ball to protect herself (hard, compact, the opposite of a “fragile shell.”) She wants to escape the criticism “sucking itself speedily backwards into the distance. She’s not sure if the girl is right or wrong, but upset that this is happening in front of her children. She’s embarrassed to be criticized in front of her kids. |
| You don’t understand Americans, Dina, she defending herself weakly. “American mothers are not in the business of producing perfectly behaved little angels…You sound like you were raised in a pressure cooker and you’re too repressed to even realize it. There are some similarities here, and some important differences. “Pressure cooker”, as opposed to “straight jacket” A pressure cooker is a pot סיר לחץ a closed environment in which there is no possibility to see another point of view. A “straight jacket” is that a person lives in the outside world, and is subject to many influences, but his hands and feet and body are bound by rules that don’t allow him to move freely and partake of an open society. Dina was raised in a closed society and never saw anything else; Sonia was raised in an open world, but is bound by strict rules. Since both Dina and Sonia are not Americans, both are accused by the Americans of not understanding them, which is natural. (this is a very common phrase) Joan explains to Dina that American mothers have a different point of view on raising children, which she, raised in a closed environment, a pressure cooker, wouldn’t know. Shapiro doesn’t talk about American mothers. She talks about “Americans” in general. The “we” would refer to American society – both parents, the educational system, the culture. The phrases “perfectly behaved” and “little angels” are very commonplace. See the numerous examples at the end section: “little angels” The Afterlife of Leslie Strong Fellow, p. 130 “ little angels Blackwoods Endinborough Magazine p. 724, 1870 “little angels” A Perfect Match, by Erma Clark, pl 139 “perfect little angels” The Fallen Heaven, Wilkie Collins, 1880, p.44. “little angels” “Perfectly behaved” Nadine, by Matt Cohen p. 67 1987 A Filly for Melinda, Doris Gates, p. 114, 1984 Understanding Human Nature, p.32, Alfred Adler, 1998 | “… You were probably raised in a straight jacket, but you’re too repressed to even realize it. You don’t understand Americans; we don’t make it our business to produce perfectly behaved angels.” Oxford Dictionary of Current Idiomatic English by Anthony Paul. Cowie, Ronald. Mackin, Isabel R. McCaig – Language Arts & Disciplines – 1983, page 321 You don’t understand. Americans, if you’ll forgive me, Spenser, don’t understand the difference between being a gentleman, and just not being one. Tampico: A Novel – Page 196 by Joseph Hergesheimer – 1927 – 328 pages I’ve said a thousand times you don’t understand Americans. You don’t know anything about me. I see you giving me those squint-eyed—those … Mountain Laurel – Page 122 by Jude Deveraux – Fiction – 1991 – 384 pages “You don’t understand. Americans have a horror of opera. They think opera is for rich people, for snobs. If an American says he has even seen an opera The Journey – Page 396 by Cecilia Sternberg – History – 1977 – 576 pages ‘They will be once people know how expensive they are – you don’t understand Americans.’ Finally Nin Ryan brought a man to me, saying, ‘Howard … Asian Diasporas: Cultures, Identities, Representations – Page 33 by Robbie B. H. Goh, Shawn Wong – History – 2004 – 208 pages … Cultural/Spatial Production, Abjection, and Exchange Robbie BH Goh “I can see you don’t understand Americans, Pooley — or blacks for that matter Canada, the Uneasy Neighbor – Page 5 by Gerald Clark – 1965 – 433 pages With familiar ease each Canadian almost invariably would open the rebuttal with the same words: “You don’t understand Americans the way I do. … Faraway – Page 223 by John Boynton Priestley – 1932 – 450 pages You understand English people, and you don’t understand Americans. I don’t pretend to understand Americans myself. … The Prisoners of Combine D. – Page 308 by Len *Giovannitti – 1957 – 541 pages “You don’t understand Americans,” he said. “You explain them to me,” the German smirked. “I want to understand them.” |
| Dina took a hesitant step towards her. “you feel bad, angry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean. My English. It is not so…very good. I hope you understand. I hope I did not..Perhaps you did not understand.”349 Dina is sorry for hurting Joan’s feelings. She admits that her words might have made Joan feel “bad, angry.” She hopes that Joan realizes that it was not her intention to hurt her feelings. Sonia, on the other hand, is “alarmed.” She feels that she might not have explained herself correctly to Joan. Both women are not native English speakers (one is Italian, and mine is Israeli) therefore it is natural that they should fear that their language skills are not adequate, and both would want to clarify that their words. | Sonia is looking at me in alarm. “Oh dear Sarah! she began slowly. “Please excuse me! I hope you understand! I hope I have not…Perhaps you did not understand me…” 343 The Smart Set: A Magazine of Cleverness – Page 32 by Henry Louis Mencken, George Jean Nathan – 1930 “Perhaps you did not understand me—it is foolish to say insulting things. You know perfectly well why I left this house last night and went alone to a hotel Blackwood’s Magazine – Page 208 1980 Mr Ah’ Bakhsh,” he said, ” perhaps you did not understand me. Listen. I do not want to connect my drainpipe now; so I do not require a licence. Among the Humorists and After-dinner Speakers: A New Collection of Humorous … – Page 281 by William Patten – 1909 No move was made to supply the liquor. “Perhaps you did not understand me. Will some gentleman kindly loan me a pint flask of whisky? … The Adelphi … – Page 807 by John Middleton Murry – 1927 Please, Georgie— perhaps you did not understand me—I didn’t mean that—” ” All right,” he broke in drily. ” I say I shall think it over. … Follow the Shadows – Page 257 by Jocelyn Carew – 1979 – 467 pages “Perhaps you did not understand me,” he said in an even voice. He took a step toward her. “Aimery—” He crossed the short distance between them, … 62 examples available |
| Oh, I understand all right. Joan is talking about the language barrier. ההקשר הוא השפה – ג’ון אינה מבינה את השפה The Vagrant Duke – Page 147 by George Gibbs – 1921 – 370 pages … “Oh, I understand, all right. Are you goin’, Beth ?” She glanced at Peter, who nodded toward the path, and she came between them Absence of Justice – Page 143 by Millicent Y. Hodge – Fiction – 2003 – 400 pages “Oh, I understand all right,” said Katherine. “I understand that every time you come near my daughter something horrible happens. I understand that. Atlantic Reporter – Page 415 by Maine Supreme Judicial Court, West Publishing Company, Pennsylvania Supreme Court, Rhode Island Supreme Court, Vermont Supreme Court, New Hampshire Supreme Court – 1939 A. Oh, I understand. All right.” (Of course, it is interesting to note that that colloquy took place in the presence of the Grand Jury and the statement is The Long-Haired Boy – Page 241 by Christopher Matthew – 1980 – 248 pages ‘Oh, I understand all right,’ she said, unable to disguise the bitterness in her voice. ‘You feel you’ve got to prove to yourself that you’re really a Whistle – Page 54 by James Jones – 1978 I’m doing my work the way it ought to be done, the way I was taught to do it” “Oh, I understand all right,” 129 examples available | No, I understood very well. I understand you, Sonia, I understand fine. Shapiro is talking about the content of what was said. שפירו מתייחסת פה לרגשות ולא לשפה. |
| “I hope I have not hurt you.” Commonplace phrase, part of an apology. I can give hundreds of examples. | I hope I have not hurt you” 161 examples available. Handbook of Idiomatic English as Now Written and Spoken – Page 106 by John Kirkpatrick – 1912 – 317 pages I hope I have not hurt you. He was run over by a cab and got hurt. \ did not mean to hurt your feelings. He felt hurt because I told him the Macmillan’s Magazine – Page 268 by John Morley, Mowbray Morris, David Masson, George Grove – 1894 But I hope I have not hurt you so very much.” “Bruk’ my head in two, that’s what you have done, Passon. Oh, you can’t goo to tell on me, after hatting me The Adventures of Oliver Twist – Page 168 by Charles Dickens, Chapman and Hall – 1855 – 291 pages “I hope I have not hurt you ! ” ” Rot you ! ” murmured the man, in a horrible passion : between his clenched teeth; “if I had only had the courage to say … Charles Dickens’s works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set … – Page 152 by Charles Dickens – 1867 I hope I have not hurt you ! ” “Death !” muttered the man to himself, glaring at the boy with his large dark eyes. ” Who would have thought it I Grind him |
| Joan summoned up all her anger, preparing to go on the offensive again, to tell this employee not to presume to think…to tell her where to get off, when all of a sudden without warning, her eyes overflowed with big salty tears that gushed down her cheeks. (neither of us is very original) Palm Beach: A Novel – Page 49 by Pat Booth – Fiction – 1985 Tenderly Lisa looked down at the ravaged face … “Oh, momma,” she sobbed, as the big salty tears welled up in Lisa’s eyes Fortune’s Bride – Page 33 by Jane Peart – Fiction – 1990 All at once Avril felt very lonely and abandoned. A salty tear … down each cheek and she leaned her head against one of the banister posts. … Again, Joan’s stance is that of the employer facing the chutzpah of an employee. Unlike Shapiro, she doesn’t view the maid as an equal from whom it is necessary to defend herself, she isn’t indecisive on whether her criticism is right or wrong. She accepts that what she says is true (she’s even flattered by it in a way). She only questions her right as an employee to have the nerve to speak to her like that. She considers, not defending herself, but the opposite “going on the “offensive” attacking her, putting her in her place: “to tell her where to get off.” In the end, her only answer is to cry, not because Dina has hurt her feelings, but BECAUSE HER LIFE IS SO DIFFICULT, HER CHILDREN DON’T APPRECIATE HER, SHE WORKS SO HARD. Shapiro and Sonia are completely different: She considers defending herself: “I was going to summon up some line of defense.” Instead, she admits that the criticism that her household is badly run, her children misbehaved has hurt her feelings. “You did hurt me.” Joan is surprised to find herself crying instead of telling off Dina “all of a sudden without warning.” Shapiro is not surprised. It follows from her “You did hurt me.” | I was going to shake my head not, I was going to summon up some line of defense. I was going to tell her where she was mistaken…but instead I just chose the path of least resistance. The words fell from me like flat slips of cardboard. “You did hurt me.” Then my eyes brimmed with tears and spilled over, big wet drops down my face. (105 examples available) Poovan Banana and Other Stories – Page 102 by Vaikom Muhammad Basheer – 1994 – 216 pages My eyes brimmed with tears. “Did you pick up the baby when it was bitten by ants?” “Yes.” “I thought you were stealing it!” She took out a quarter-rupee Be a Woman: Hayashi Fumiko and Modern Japanese Women’s Literature – Page 158 by Joan E. Ericson – Literary Criticism – 1997 – 273 pages Without my realizing it, my eyes brimmed with tears. … Limited preview – About this book – Top of Form The late afternoon sun shining aslant the windows must have reflected brightly, for as I turned, my eyes brimmed with tears. The Happy Ending “I Will’s Boy: a memoir – Page 162 by Wright Morris – Literary Criticism – 1981 – 200 pages My eyes brimmed with tears, knowing in my heart how unworthy of such love I was. I saw her briefly at the station, her hands in a fur muff, snow sparkling |
| The words affected Dina like a blow. She seemed to totter and lose her equilibrium (349) The words that affect Dina “like a blow” are the following: “You wouldn’t be so smart if you had any children of your own.” Dina has a child, a son, that she has been forced to leave behind in America. This has nothing to do at all with the conversation about her children and lifestyle that they have been talking about. Shapiro’s own “knees feel wobbly, “ not the maid’s , because of the maid’s criticism of her home and children. Shapiro writes: “My knees felt wobbly. It was as if Sonia had unknowingly tripped the switch of a secret trapdoor, and I had plummeted through into the cellar”. p. 342 | My knees felt wobbly p. 342 |
| “I’ve never made anyone cry before. I mean aside from family. I’ve never made a stranger cry. I feel awful, Joan said. המעבידה מתנצלת לעובדת. | Oh dear, now Sonia was really alarmed. Please forgive me –to make someone cry like this, I have never done this in my life! “You’ve never made anyone cry in your life?” I asked suspiciously, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. My mother, my sister, but never someone who is not close. העובדת מתנצלת למעבידה. |
| I ask for forgiveness” Dina asks for forgiveness, not because of what she said, but because she feels unworthy to criticize anyone else because of her own sins: She thinks: “What right do I have to judge anyone else after what I’ve done?” p. 349 In Shapiro’s, the maid asks for forgiveness for religious reasons. Unlike Joan, Shapiro doesn’t want to forgive. She nods “half-heartedly” not with her whole heart. The maid is alarmed and begs her. She must be forgiven now. She “can’t wait until Yom Kippur.” Again, this is a different story, a story of a conflict between equals, both subscribing to the same religious values. It is a religious precept to ask forgiveness from someone and to be forgiven. This motif doesn’t exist in my story. | Forgive me! Please. Do you forgive me! I nodded half-heartedly. “I cannot wait for Yom Kippur to get your forgiveness Sarah. I ask you again to forgive me.” |
| “I forgive you Dina.” I forgive you because you haven’t done anything wrong. The kids treat each other like dirt and have precious little respect for me or their father. A lot of it is my faught, I was too busy, to tired, too full of psychology tetbooks to educate them when they were little, and now I let them get away with murder because it’s the path of least resistance. 350 Again, this is a cultural conflict, not a religious one, and one of status. The employer recognizes that Dina, the maid, hasn’t been disrespectful to her as an employee. In the context of the scene in the book where the children are shown speaking to each other and to her with disrespect (there is no similar scene in Shapiro) Joan reviews her parenting as a secular, American woman, recognizing some of the bad results. This has nothing to do with religious beliefs about “honoring father and mother” etc. which is dominant in Shapiro’s conflict. | I forgive you.” Truly. Yes. Because she is right, I thought from the pit where my soul at that moment lay, under fallen debris. My children have not be sufficiently educted to be respectful towards their parents and towards each other. I am unaware I am too permissive. They don’t have inme a good role model. This young woman’s only sin is that she said the truth. 344 She enumerates all her failings as a religious woman in educating her children to religious values. |
| “I’ve given up hope that I can change anything. 350 Joan thinks it’s too late to change things, recognizing her kids are the product of an American, secular upbringing, and that’s the way they’ll behave. Shapiro is the opposite! Far from “giving up hope” Shapiro is full of hope, She redoubles her efforts to win Sonia’s approval by screaming and hitting her kids so that they won’t embarrass her by “showing they don’t come from a good home.” | It’s my fault. I can’t let them get away with this anymore. But it’s too late to change things. They are showing everyone that they don’t come from a good home. They need to be smacked! They don’t deserve my patience, they’re going to be punished.””345 |
| 10. “You wouldn’t be so smart if you have any children of your own.” Joan doesn’t know Dina has a child she has left behind in America. Dina does have a child. | How many children does she have? asked one woman. No, she doesn’t have children yet,” I replied, anticipating the laughter. |
| “Joan, I will work for you. I will do a good job for you.’ Do you feel up to it What right have I to judge anyone else after what I’ve done [Dina’s referring to the affair she had and being kicked out of her home by modesty patrol, and being forced to leave her husband and child] I will begin and I will finish. I will do everything. Joan felt herself smile, touched by Dina’s desire to prove her worth. I don’t want a corpse smelling of Ajax on my hands 351 Dina is now living in Joan’s house. There is no place else for her to go. She has to work for her, but she let’s her know that even though she may not have behaved as an employee so far, she will actually do a good job and work hard. Sonia hasn’t been hired yet. She isn’t trying to prove her worth as an employee, but as a human being. She “volunteers” to work for nothing to “atone” for her sins against Shapiro. Joan’s joke about not working too hard again, it’s an employer talking to an employee. With Shapiro, this woman is an equal, it’s a personal relationship. | Sonia wanted to work for free now for a few hours, as atonement. “I am your prisoner now because of what I have done [Sonia’s referring to making Shapiro cry by telling her the truth about her messed up house and wildly behaved children] But whatever little flame of indignance I harbored toward her and had been snuffed out by other sentiments. Her sincerity sufficed to appease me; I didn’t need her slavery. Shapiro actually considered letting her atone for her sins by working for nothing, but now is sufficiently appeased to be willing to pay her for her work. |
| Differences a. Dina sees a typical morning, Sonia sees a birthday party b. Joan has three mostly older children, who speak to each other the way American children speak. They aren’t fighting with each other, just rude. Nothing unusual. Shapiro has little kids tearing up a birthday cake, screaming their heads off. c. Dina, the maid,doesn’t interfere with the children. Doesn’t speak to them or to her employer, just watches. Sonia both intervenes, telling one of Shapiro’s kids: “You do not need to raise your voice” and another “I have never in my life been at a birthday party where the children fought over the birthday cake.” d. Joan and Shapiro are both aware that a stranger is in their house. But Joan is embarrassed by what her maid is seeing. Shapiro doesn’t think there is anything wrong “all this is normal.” e. Dina is profoundly shocked by what she sees: it’s a different planet to her. “Behind Dina’s uncomprehending stare lay a shock as profound as any the young woman had ever experienced.” We have no description of what Sonia is thinking and feeling at all. “She seemed to be taking it well.” We don’t know. | The maid both disciplines the children and offers advice to Shapiro |
| 13. “Sh…ugar he screamed, bounding up the stairs. 357 Please. This is commonplace. First plea of the open day – Bristol City Supporters Trust Forum dollymarie oh sh-ugar! Will go and buy a pot from Smiths… Jul 22 2005, 07:01 PM. speedwellred QUOTE(dollymarie @ Jul 22 2005, 06:01 PM)oh s. Send them a bag of sh–ugar beets, won’t you? Unfortunately only toll free numbers 1-800-287-7110 and 1-800-543-4466 appear in the catalog (I have it right … Topic: Why did they join the UN/DPI? Who gives a flying sh-ugar … Much has been made over possible motives behind the Watchtower Society joining the UN/DPI. My response is currently the same as it was in my first letter to … www.jehovahs-witness.com/…/Why+did+they+join+the+UN%2FDPI%3F+Who+gives+a+flying+sh-ugar+coated+waffle%3F – 34k – Cached Comments on: Child-safe swear words I worry about the “emergency” swearing substitutes like sh-ugar and fu-dgecake. They are a bit too euphemistic for my liking. Besides, in these times of … – oh sh….ugar – KO reciever broke – RaceChat oh sh….ugar – KO reciever broke Speedos & Radio Gear. www.rcracechat.com/vb/showthread.php?t=21944 – 30k He says sugar. How doesn’t Corinaldi know what he meant? | |
| There are no לבטים Joan’s house is “sparkling, immaculate”. Joan feels a “surge of hope” because she has a big party to prepare for that afternoon: “The party would be fine. Joan doesn’t mention the disagreement they’d had. She’s forgotten all about it. Shapiro’s, “excited at the idea of having help…the house would get more organized.” But we don’t know what kind of job the maid’s done. It’s the idea, not the actual work done. | |
| Culture clash: Joan is talking about Dina’s turning off the video when her children were watching Batman. She isn’t angry. It’s a clash of cultures, religious vs. secular: “And Dina, about the video the other day.” She took a deep breath. “Honey you just don’t understand our culture.” and she kindly explains this to this haredi girl from Israel as she sits across from her in a glatt kosher restaurant in New York. There is never any question of her firing Dina. Shapiro and her maid have the same values and religious beliefs, but Shapiro can’t live up to them: You must come from some spotless Sephardic household, you have a whole different standard.” She decides to fire the maid. “I could not afford her…emotionally nor financially much less recover from her on-and-off approval.” Again, unlike Joan, she needs her maid’s -Sonia’s- approval. This is a relationship between equals with the same values. | |
| Again, Joan’s reaction: “She was the maid, simply the maid. “ This is not her equal, she doesn’t need her approval. It had to be dealt with p. 384 (these words do not appear on page 384. I don’t know where they are. To Shapiro, this is never a maid. She never refers to her as a maid. She is an equal “this girl” whose criticism, because Sonia is a religious girl from a religious home and Shapiro would like to have the same kind of home, her criticism is very important to her. | |
| hot summer? cool autumn? Joan and Dina have gone shopping together to buy Dina clothes. Sonia casually invites Shapiro to join her to pick up one of the kids from gan…..? | |
| For Dina, this is a clash of cultures: She’s nothing like any woman I’ve ever know…She has one set of dishes. She wears immodest clothes. She allows her children to behave with terrible disrespect. Why, in Meah Shearim, she would be shunned and chased out of the neighborhood. Then how can it be, Dina thought, truly confused, that she is also one of the kindest nicest people I’ve ever met?” How can a secular woman be a good person? Dina’s confused. She doesn’t have an answer. Shapiro’s Sonia, she lowers her standards to get her job back. She has been fired, begs for her job back, and adopts Shapiro’s attitude towards her messy house and noisy, fighting kids. She says that in her new job the kids are respectful and don’t fight but “they are sad these kids. They are frightened of the mother.” “ What the Jewish people need are is families with a lit of kids to give us back the many children Hitler killed.” An untidy house is the price to be paid for this, the maid decides, so be it. | |
| There is nothing remotely similar in the story of Dina and Joan, which is the story of religious vs. secular values, and the story of Shapira and Sonia, which has to do with two religious women who disagree about housekeeping standards and the discipline of children. Dina learens to appreciate the openness of the secular world, the right to listen “to her own heart and mind” and to find her own way toward God. Dina rejects the haredi lifestyle she was brought up with. When she talks about finding her own way towards God, it includes many of the secular values Joan has: freedom, creativity, learning. Shapiro simply accepts the fact that if her house is a mess and her kids are noisy and fighting, that’s all right, she can still be a good Jew. | |
| phrases: Never, never in my life | I have never in all my life common phrase, out of 606 examples available) Report of the Proceedings – Page 96 by Church congress, International Co-operative Congress, Trades Union Congress – 1894 I have never in all my life gone to bed without saying my prayers.” This, he added, he learnt to do from the Catechism of the Church of England. History of My Life – Page 81 by Giacomo Casanova, Willard R. Trask – 1997 I have never in all my life escaped from a greater danger. What saved me was my fear of angering the town mob, for I knew its ferocity. … Huldreich Zwingli, the Reformer of German Switzerland, 1484-1531 – Page 30 by Samuel Macauley Jackson, John Martin Vincent, Frank Hugh Foster – 1903 – 519 pages In regard to the third article, that I have sold livings in the same way that horses are sold at Zurzach, I have never in all my life sold a living or Notes from Underground – Page 27 by Fyodor Dostoyevsky – Fiction – 1972 – 288 pages Oh, gentlemen, perhaps the only reason I consider myself a clever man is that I have never in all my life been able to either begin or finish anything The Sunken Bell: A Fairy Play in Five Acts by Gerhart Hauptmann – 1898 Page 482 I have never in all my life besides felt such profound sadness as now while this dawn was slowly brightening. Alone in a foreign country, … The Letters of Henry James – Page 269 by Henry James – 1920 I have never in all my life gone in for these other things, but have dodged and shirked and successfully … The Undying Past – Page 59 by Hermann Sudermann – 1906 – 382 pages I have never in all my life been tied to apron- strings, and hope I never shall. But I am in the habit of listening to what my conscience dictates |
| Corinaldi rewrites quote: Corinaldi ”And such a mother….so nice…show does so much for her children 348 actual quote: And such a mother! So kind, so nice, so generous, who does so much for her children. | Corinaldi rewrites her quote. Corninaldi: And especially a mother like this…So nice…And she does so much work for you.” Actual quote: And especially a mother like this, she gestured to me. “So nice, and her hair covered, and modest, the long skirt! And she does so much work for you!” |
| actual quote: But in my home, nobody ever raised his voice. | In our house, there was a high quality of life; nobody ever raised his voice. Review and Reflection: A Half-century of Labor Relations – Page 170 by Cyrus Stuart Ching – 1953 – 204 pages … with approximately 100 people in the bargaining room, nobody ever raised his voice or indulged in recriminations. An outsider hardly would have known it Roosevelt, New Jersey: Big Dreams in a Small Town & what Time Did to Them – Page 59 by Edwin Rosskam – 1972 – 148 pages All-night parties unheard of up to then in this coffee-and-cake community where nobody ever raised his voice except to call a child Review and Reflection: A Half-century of Labor Relations – Page 170 by Cyrus Stuart Ching – 1953 – 204 pages … with approximately 100 people in the bargaining room, nobody ever raised his voice or indulged in recriminations. An outsider hardly would have known it numerous examples available |
| I never heard my parents raise their voice to us or to each other (671 examples of raise their voice) common religious value) | |
| In a religious home etc. (561 examples) common religious value | |
| How dare she! Common phrase, 721 examples available: Rameau’s Niece – Page 242by Cathleen Schine – Fiction – 1994 How dare she? He’s my husband. That Edward might be fooling around with his pretty little students, while a proposition quite certain in Margaret’s mind for Dora – Page 131by Julia Kavanagh – Fiction – 2001 – 345 pages “How dare she! —• how dare she!1′ cried Mrs Luan, working herself up … “But how dare she promise?” continued Mrs. Luan, stamping her foot in her rage Dora – Page 131 by Julia Kavanagh – Fiction – 2001 – 345 pages “How dare she! —• how dare she!1′ cried Mrs Luan, working herself up … “But how dare she promise?” continued Mrs. Luan, stamping her foot in her rage Rightfully Mine – Page 454 by Doris Mortman – Fiction – 1990 How dare she dismiss her? How dare she think she could cow Irina with a stare … How dare she think she held the power to decide who would take The Hunt – Page 37 by William Diehl – Fiction – 1991 – 512 pages How dare she! How dare she defy and humiliate me. How dare she rob me in such a way. It was a question he had asked himself many times in the eighteen 27 – Page 41 by William Diehl – Fiction – 1990 How dare she! How dare she defy and humiliate me. How dare she rob me in such a way. It was a question he had asked himself many times in the eighteen | How dare she say this! Not a common phrase. |
| Corninaldi changes quote: Whole quote: You sound like you were raised in a pressure cooker and you’re too repressed to even realize it. The Reader’s Digest – Page 121 by Lila Bell Acheson Wallace, De Witt Wallace – 1922 I can see the day coming when children will be conceived by artificial insemination, born in cellophane, raised in a pressure cooker, sent to nursery school Pox Britannica: The Unmaking of the British – Page 192 by Clive Irving – History – 1974 – 245 pages He was not just the son of a great lawyer but was raised in a pressure cooker of competitiveness with the sons of other great men. … | whole quote: You were probably raised in a strait jacket, but you’re too repressed to even realize it. Will Rogers – Page 42 by E. Paul Alworth – Performing Arts – 1974 – 140 pages A Guy raised in a straight Jacket is a corkscrew compared to a thick-headed Party Politician. All you would have to do to make some men Atheists is just … |
| changes quote; You don’t understand Americans, Dina,”she defended herself weakly. “American mothers are not in the business of producing perfectly behaved little angels Notorious Deception – Page 229 by Adrienne Basso – 1994 Perfectly well-behaved little angels.” “The girls are perfect of course,” Caroline said in a teasing voice. “I am not certain the same can be said of you | You don’t understand Americans; we don’t make it our business to produce perfectly behaved angels and a perfectly tidy house, and thank goodness we don’t. p. 343 Oxford Dictionary of Current Idiomatic English by Anthony Paul. Cowie, Ronald. Mackin, Isabel R. McCaig – Language Arts & Disciplines – 1983 Page 321 You don’t understand. Americans, if you ‘¡I forgive me, Spenser, don’t understand the difference between being a gentleman, and just not being one. Tampico: A Novel – Page 196 by Joseph Hergesheimer – 1927 – 328 pages I’ve said a thousand times you don’t understand Americans. You don’t know anything about me. I see you giving me those squint-eyed—those Mountain Laurel – Page 122 by Jude Deveraux – Fiction – 1991 – 384 pages “You don’t understand. Americans have a horror of opera. They think opera is for rich people, for snobs. If an American says he has even seen an opera The Journey – Page 396 by Cecilia Sternberg – History – 1977 – 576 pages ‘They will be once people know how expensive they are – you don’t understand Americans.’ Finally Nin Ryan brought a man to me, saying, ‘Howard Asian Diasporas: Cultures, Identities, Representations – Page 33 by Robbie B. H. Goh, Shawn Wong – History – 2004 – 208 pages … Cultural/Spatial Production, Abjection, and Exchange Robbie BH Goh “I can see you don’t understand Americans, Pooley — or blacks for that matter Canada, the Uneasy Neighbor – Page 5 by Gerald Clark – 1965 – 433 pages With familiar ease each Canadian almost invariably would open the rebuttal with the same words: “You don’t understand Americans the way I do. … Faraway – Page 223 by John Boynton Priestley – 1932 – 450 pages You understand English people, and you don’t understand Americans. I don’t pretend to understand Americans myself. … The Prisoners of Combine D. – Page 308 by Len *Giovannitti – 1957 – 541 pages “You don’t understand Americans,” he said. “You explain them to me,” the German smirked. “I want to understand them.” Colonel Roper straightened in his Perfectly behaved The New Language of Change: Constructive Collaboration in Psychotherapy – Page 261 by Steven Friedman – Psychology – 1993 – 464 pages I want my children to be perfectly behaved. … I can recall that growing up, my brothers, sister, and I were always perfectly behaved. adine – Page 67 by Matt Cohen – Fiction – 1987 I was perfectly behaved. I had to be perfectly behaved because my categorical imperative was to be good—to strive, to succeed, to camouflage the Michael Bloomfield: If You Love These Blues – Page 5 by Jan Mark Wolkin, Bill Keenom – Biography & Autobiography – 2000 – 280 pages This was a town of perfectly behaved little kids, where all the parents were lawyers or doctors or psychiatrists, perfectly proper people. … The Woman in the Wall – Page 10 by Partice “*Kindl – Juvenile Fiction – 1997 – 192 pages Anna at least is always perfectly behaved.” Andrea and Kirsty looked sulky. “I wouldn’t do anything,” Andrea said. “Me neither!” shrilled Kirsty These were not well- behaved little angels. They were kids who had lost or had never known their parents and had grown up on the streets and in the black … Snippet view – About this book – Top of Form Marian wanted Audra and Lyssa rested and well- behaved, little angels in the darling gowns Christina had delivered to the tent. “My thanks, Stephen, but I Notorious Deception – Page 229 by Adrienne Basso – 1994 Perfectly well-behaved little angels.” “The girls are perfect of course,” Caroline said in a teasing voice. “I am not certain the same can be said of you |
| I hope you understand. 56, 400 examples in .40 seconds | I hope you understand. |
| I hope I did not. 413, 600 examples in .45 seconds | I hope I have not |
| Perhaps you did not understand 20, 800 examples | perhaps you did not understand me |
| I understand 875, 600 examples .18 seconds | I understand |
| I ask for forgiveness 349 3650 examples | Full quote: I cannot wait for Yom Kippur to get your forgiveness, Sarah. p. 344 |
| I forgive you. 76,800 examples on google in .60 seconds | I forgive you |
| Dina, about the video the other day.” She took a deep breath. “ Honey, you just don’t understand our culture and I can’t have you impose your own very different standards on the children.” p. 371 | Corinaldi changes quote: Full quote: You must come from some kind of a spotless Sephardic household, you have a whole different standard. Don’t impose it on me. p. 344 Divided Loyalties – Page 120 by L. K. Malone – Fiction – 2001 – 320 pages “You can have whatever you want, but don’t impose it on me.” He rose. “I’ll be sleeping on the sofa until it comes down. . Text and Ritual in Early China – Page 209 by Martin Kern – Literary Criticism – 2005 – 332 pages … and you don’t impose it on me haughtily, so I will heed your remonstrance.” The next day he issued orders saying, “Whosoever can present remonstrances, … The Futures of Evangelicalism: Issues and Prospects – Page 208 by Craig G Bartholomew, Robin A Parry, Andrew West – Religion – 2004 – 317 pages If an approach to life works for you that’s great, but don’t claim that it is true in any ultimate sense and don’t impose it on me. … .. Postal Modernization: Hearings, Ninety-first Congress, First [and Second … – Page 383 by United States Congress. Senate. Committee on Post Office and Civil Service – 1970 – 1431 pages They recommend the trains or planes or railroads to everybody else, but they still use their car—”Just don’t impose it on me.” This, too, is part of the … Hearings, Reports and Prints of the Senate Committee on Post Office and … – Page 401 by United States Congress. Senate. Committee on Post Office and Civil Service They recommend the trains or planes or railroads to everybody else, but they still use their car—”Just don’t impose it on me.” This, too, is part of the … |
| Doesn’t appear on page 371 for goodness sake | For goodness sakes 885 examples .14 seconds |
| It was ridiculous 384 Doesn’t appear on 384 | It’s ridiculous 342 Whole quote: It’s ridiculous that this girl should get to me like this. Brush it off! |
| After what I’ve done Whole quote: What right have I to judge anyone else after what I’ve done? 349 referring to her adulterous affair, and her leaving her family The Recognitions – Page 549 by William Gaddis – Fiction – 1993 – 976 pages You can see that I can’t just go to her, like this, after what I’ve done The Century Illustrated Monthly Magazine by Roy J. Friedman Mark Twain Collection (Library of Congress) – 1892 Page 570 You mean I ought n’t to be after what I ‘ve done ? The American Magazine – Page 707 1888 prayed Sarah ; “you see I don’t dare to go back after what I’ve done—he’ll kill me as quick as not. Fondie – Page 409 Christmas Roses: And Other Stories – Page 60 by Anne Douglas Sedgwick – Fiction – 1971 After what I ‘ve done!” “Oh — I can’t! I can’t!” said Christopher Dar- ley. “How could I accept it from you? Already you’ve been unbelievably beautiful to Farragan’s Retreat – Page 85 by Tom McHale – 1971 – 311 pages I want to die after what I’ve done to poor Stephen. That’s the sin I’m drinkin’ for now.” “You didn’t do anything to Stephen, …… | because of what I have done Whole quote: “I am your prisoner now because of what I have done.” 345 referring to to hurting Shapiro’s feelings by telling her her kids are brats and her house is a mess. |
| She felt herself shrinking as if the hard substance of her ego were being sucked out of her, leaving behind a thin, fragile shell (348) Difference in meaning: Her ego is sucked out of her, the way an egg loses its contents, leaving behind a weak and vulnerable shell. The words “shrinking” and “sucking:” often appear together in sentences. P. 54 The Pride of Lions, by Marsha Canhan “only a curious shrinking , sucking sensation. p.55 Silent Fire, by James E. Connor “He was a bony man. The kind who ages by shrinking and sucking in all the thousands points of his flesh into one skeletal frame.” p.63 Education Policy and Social Class, Stephen J. Ball “sucking in resources and shrinking in terms of emitted production.” Size – Page 106 by Albert William Gray – Fiction – 1989 – 215 pages … shrinking back and sucking in her breath. Then in a flash Size appeared in the dream, standing behind Oscar with his arms folded The Psychology of Relaxation – Page 80 by George Thomas White Patrick – 1916 – 280 pages But to crying and sucking and shrinking from objects of fear we do not give the name “play,” because, being of the immediate life-serving kind, … Feather Crowns: a novel – Page 87 by Bobbie Ann Mason – Fiction – 1993 The babies nursing made her feel her womb shrinking, as if they were sucking the air out of it. … Word Freak: Heartbreak, Triumph, Genius, and Obsession in the World of … – Page 89 by Stefan Fatsis – Games – 2001 – 372 pages You need to see the shrinking world into which you are being sucked as a fully formed whole. Before I throw myself deeper into the abyss that Scrabble … Twelve Bar Blues – Page 273 by Patrick Neate, Frantz Fanon – Fiction – 2004 – 416 pages Tongo sucked on the quickly shrinking gar butt and began to wish he’d constructed something more substantial for himself. By the time he reached the ruins The Georgics – Page 60 by Simon, Claude – Fiction – 1989 … the rear of the train like a dark spot shrinking away there on the long straight line, as if sucked along, its cargo of babies on the bottle Gift from the Stars – Page 146 by James E. Gunn – Fiction – 2005 – 240 pages Some were exploding, some were shrinking into nothingness, and some had their essence sucked … The Artifact – Page 175 by Patrick Astre – Fiction – 2005 – 220 pages The ball of energy was shrinking. It steadily grew smaller as if something sucked out its substance through the beam, consuming it like a kid with a straw The Shattering Light of Stars – Page 207 by Scott Elliot Hicks – Fiction – 2005 – 348 pages A large chunk of the thick glass is missing from the abandoned city and he is sucked back toward the hole, shrinking toward the vanishing point of … The Wars Of Time: The Rise Of Thelios – Page 357 by Matthew J Connors – Fiction – 2005 – 472 pages … lived as he whirled around to find the cloud shrinking and disappearing. … found himself being sucked towards the center of the cloud like a black … The Malahat Review – Page 39 by University of Victoria (B.C.) – 1967 … snakes but in no private place shall I with you be changed all hearts all bones and tongues finely compacted to a shrinking star sucked into blackness, … Snippet view Essential Love: Poems about Mothers and Fathers, Daughters and Sons – Page 264 by Ginny Lowe Connors – Poetry – 2000 – 341 pages In a way, we could have been that bald spot, our growing shrinking him into a corner, the years our bones added to their fledgling marrow sucked away from The Complete Poetical Works of Elizabeth Barrett Browning by Elizabeth (Barrett) Browning – 1900 – 548 pages Page 194 … And sucked the soul of that child of mine As the humming-hird sucks the soul … I know you staring, shrinking back, Ye are born of the Washington-race, … Ashes to Ashes – Page 109 by Tami Hoag – Fiction – 2000 – 593 pages At the same time, she felt her consciousness shrinking and herself being sucked deeper and deeper into the Zone. The Keepers – Page 282 by H. L. Chandler – Fiction – 2005 Andy staggered and felt as if he were shrinking, as if all his vital juices were being sucked out by the sly, … | And here I am, my self shrinking into a tennis ball, a tight little ball sucking itself speedily backwards into the distance. To get away from this. 342 She becomes small and compact, hard, like a “tight, little ball” and hurls herself backwards, to take herself out of this difficult situation of criticism. The Collected Works of Langston Hughes – Page 204 by Langston Hughes, Arnold Rampersad – 2001 does at Coney Island, when a big old wave goes sucking itself backwards into the ocean, pulling out from under your feet, water and sand from under your |
| “frank astonishment” whole quote: She looked at Joan with frank astonishment that bordered on horror. p. 347 not similar | as if amazed (341) |
| “We fought only over who could do more 348 We were ashamed not to help our parents. We fought only over who could do more. not the same | We used to fight among ourselves only for who would have the privilege of washing dishes341 |
| You sound like you were raised in a pressure cooker Both aren’t original phrases. p. 121 Readers Digest 1922 “by Lila Bell Acheson Wallace, De Witt Wallace – 1922 I can see the day coming when children will be conceived by artificial insemination, born in cellophane, raised in a pressure cooker, sent to nursery school … Pox Britannia: Unmaking of the British, by Clive Irving – History – 1974 – 245 pages He was not just the son of a great lawyer but was raised in a pressure cooker of competitiveness with the sons of other great men. … Snippet view – | You were probably raised in a straight jacket Will Rogers – Page 42 by E. Paul Alworth – Performing Arts – 1974 – 140 pages A Guy raised in a straight Jacket is a corkscrew compared to a thick-headed Party Politician. All you would have to do to make some men Atheists is just |
| I’ve given up hope that I can change anything No examples of exact wording. This is a more original arrangement of the words words | |
| The following discussion on man’s nature and the ability to overcome it and improve is held in a completely different context: In Sotah, this conversation takes place between a husband an wife in a discussion on birth control: “Why couldn’t she look forward to the idea of ten or eleven children, once after the other with faith and joy and submission to God’s infinite wisdom? She began to weep uncontrollably. Yaakov reached out and held her in his arms. “Sha, my darling wife, I know it’s so hared for you, for all women. And I don’t do enough to help you. I’ll try harder. He stroke her hair gently, soothingly. She buried her face in his shoulder,” I don’t want another baby. | In Growing with my Children, this conversation, takes place between a woman and a Rav to whom she has gone to ask advice how to control her temper: “There or four years ago, in an old neighborhood of Jerusalem, I stood with Elisheve strapped to me in a Snuggly baby carrier waiting to speak to a certain reknown rabbi…”I’m hear to talk with him about having lost control of myself a lot lately.”… “My anger, Rav Simcha. I lose my temper with my children and my husband.” |