And so the war against mankind begins in earnest. The madman of Iran (we in Israel call him the “little monkey” because of his appearance), swinging from the trees along with the other “delegates” to the emergency Islamic conference held in Malaysia, has a novel solution to the problem in the Middle East: “elimination of the Zionist regime.” That is, wipe out the State of Israel. But he’ll settle for an immediate ceasefire until that can be accomplished.

To all those who had such hopes for negotiations with Israel’s enemies; all those who believed in a two-state solution; all those that have urged Israel to give up and give in, including many Jews and Israelis, I hope you have your answer now. For all those who believe in the holy grail of “negotiations,” this is the real agenda. How would you like to negotiate with Mr. Ahmedinejad? Let’s say we agree to blow up half the country, in exchange for him waiting until next year to blow up the rest? Sound good, Human Rights Watch? Mr. Anan? Yossi Beilin? CNN?

But if that’s too unreasonable, maybe we should agree to all jump into the sea at the exact same time? Let’s say, we promise to coordinate our watches, and then Iran and the U.N. and the BBC can stand with observers on the beach and watch. In exchange, there will be complete peace in the region. Except of course, for the women, who will continue to get their throats cut for dishonoring their families by calling their big brothers rapists, and those pesky Christians who refuse to convert, but they can always be quietly hung. Or Sunni’s (or Shia’s?) or Kurds, or any other variant on the exact belief of Mr. Monkey.

And Israel? It will be as peaceful and as quiet as …well, as a cemetery. Or Auschwitz without any crying tourists.

As for me, I’m not really such a fan of peace. Peace Now, peace negotiations, peace be with you, Salaam Alkeikum. I don’t ever want to hear that word again as long as I live, which will be as long as the IDF can protect me, and the Israeli government refuses to take the advice of its enemies and its so-called friends. No thanks to a multi-national force of Arabs and their friends helping us to ensure our northern borders. No, thanks for the advice, really. Been there, done that. Very kind of you to take such an interest. But I think the answer is occupation. Israel occupation. The way the Allies occupied Europe until the Nazis were rooted out. But first we need to kill the little monkey, and all his friends and supporters. And then we have to take aim at his nuclear program. And after that, send the white coats to commit Assad’s inbred moron son to a mental institution (and get him some plastic surgery). As for North Korea, that’s really not Israel’s problem at the moment, so we’ll let Mr. Blair and Mr. Bush handle that.

For those of you who don’t like what I’ve written, who think I’m being not nice, too harsh, you are entitled to your opinion. But if you write me, I’m going to kick you off my list, because you just don’t belong here. And if you decide to unsubscribe, please do it quietly because frankly my dear, etc. etc.