Sarah Shapiro’s So-Called Similarities

I eventually won this case when the Supreme Court overturned the District Court’s scandalous decision against me. Click here for the details.

התייחסות ל-“חוברת ההפרות” כביכול של שפירו

Sarah Shapiro claims ownership of many ideas that are nor original with her. See here for details.

Response to Shapiro’s Table of “Similarities”

“Sotah” (Naomi Ragen)

“Growing With My Children” (Sarah Shapiro)

קטע זה שונה לאחר שקבלתי הערות מהעורכת (ראה מכתב המצורף).

דינה היא אשה חרדית ירושלמית שהסתבכה ברומן מחוץ לנשואים ונאלצה ע”י משמרת הצניעות לברוח לארה”ב ולעבוד כעוזרת בית (משרתת) אצל אשה חילונית עשירה בניו יורק. הנושא הוא המתיחות בין אורח חיים דתי לחילוני. לדינה, אשה ישראלית, קשה להתבטא באנגלית.

דינה נדהמת מאורח החיים החילוני שמעולם לא ראתה בעיניה: חוצפת הילדים כלפי אימם, היעדר כבוד, תוכניות הטלוויזיה הגרועות, העובדה שהילדים אינם עוזרים בבית, ואיך שהם אינם מקפידים על נקיון חדריהם.

שפירו, עולה חדשה מארה”ב, מעסיקה את סוניה, בחורה דתית ספרדית (סטודנטית באוניברסיטה) לעזור לה במשק הבית ובילדים. סוניה אומרת לשפירו שהיא רוצה להישאר דתיה. שתי הדמויות הן דתיות. סוניה מדברת בצליל איטלקי. סוניה נדהמת ממצב הנקיון בבית, ואיך הילדים צועקים ומרביצים אחד לשני ואינם מכבדים את הזולת, בעיקר אימם. לדעתה, כשלונה של שפירו הוא כשלון דתי. שפירו נפגעת מההערה אך מקבלת אותה. אין פה מתח חילוני-דתי: שתיהן דתיות.

But in my home nobody ever raised his voice. I never heard my parents raise their voice to us or to each other. In a religious home, the children say softly: Mother, please or “Thank you, Mother. We were ashamed not to help our parents. We fought only over who could do more. (348)

דמיון מסיום בלשון מאחר ששני הדוברים אינם דוברי אנגלית.

דינה מתארת את מאפייני החיים החרדיים: כבוד לזולת, דיבור בשקט ולא בצעקות, מאפיינים של אורח חיים חרדי, של משפחתה שתואה כבר קודם (עמודים 22 – 24).

“Ima worked so hard, so endlessly. None of the other children could bear the idea of adding another wrinkle to her collection.  They tried to handle their problems by themselves and each one took responsibility for the younger ones. (p.27) There was a lot of activity during breakfast with eight of them around the table to feed and get off. Yet there was no shouting, no pushing…Most of all, the unquestioned respect- and no small touch of fear- for their mother made the children lower the flame beneath whatever unacceptabe rages they felt boiling within them.  Most of the time they were perfectly good natured, perfectly happy.”

In our house there was a high quality of life; nobody ever raised his voice. We used to fight among ourselves only for who would have the privilege of washing dishes for our mother. That is the way we lived. I never heard my parents raise their voices for us or to each other. In a religious family, the children say “Mommy please and Mommy thank you.”  p. 341
She felt herself shrinking, as if the hard substance of her ego were being sucked out of her, leaving behind a thin, fragile shell.Joan feels her ego sucked out of her, leaving her empty. She isn’t embarrassed, doesn’t want to run away.  The “hard” substance of her ego is drained out of her, leaving her empty and vulnerable.  With Shapiro it’s the opposite: She becomes “a tennis ball”  “A tight little ball”  compact, hard, that she describes as if someone has hit her and thrown her far away: “flung backwards.”Joan never thinks the girl is wrong, just that she has no right to criticize, as she an employee.Dina doesn’t criticize Joan in front of the children. The moment froze. I see now in my mind’s eyes a photograph of Rachel, Dinah and Elisheva all staring at me.  I hear Eli banging on something in the next room, and Avivah making soft conversation to herself. And here I am, my self shrinking into a tennis ball, a tight little ball sucking itself speedily backwards into the distance. To get away from this….The children—the children are watching me.Shapiro feels like running away, shrinking into a tight little ball to protect herself (hard, compact, the opposite of a “fragile shell.”)She wants to escape the criticism “sucking itself speedily backwards into the distance.  She’s not sure if the girl is right or wrong, but upset that this is happening in front of her children. She’s embarrassed to be criticized in front of her kids.
You don’t understand Americans, Dina, she defending herself weakly. “American mothers are not in the business of producing perfectly behaved little angels…You sound like you were raised in a pressure cooker and your’e too repressed to even realize it.There are some similarities here, and some important differences.  “Pressure cooker”, as opposed to “straight jacket”A pressure cooker is a pot   סיר לחץ a closed environment in which there is no possibility to see another point of view.   A “straight jacket” is that a person lives in the outside world, and is subject to many influences, but his hands and feet and body are bound by rules that don’t allow him to move freely and partake of an open society.  Dina was raised in a closed society and never saw anything else; Sonia was raised in an open world, but is bound by strict rules.Since both Dina and Sonia are not Americans, both are accused by the Americans of not understanding them, which is natural.  (this is a very common phrase)Joan explains to Dina that American mothers have a different point of view on raising children, which she, raised in a closed environment, a pressure cooker, wouldn’t know.Shapiro doesn’t talk about American mothers.  She talks about “Americans” in general.  The “we” would refer to American society – both parents, the educational system, the culture.The phrases “perfectly behaved” and “little angels” are very commonplace.  See the numerous examples  at the end section: “little angels” The Afterlife of Leslie Strong Fellow, p. 130 “ little angels Blackwoods Endinborough Magazine p. 724, 1870 “little angels” A Perfect Match, by Erma Clark, pl 139 “perfect little angels” The Fallen Heaven, Wilkie Collins, 1880, p.44. “little angels” “Perfectly behaved” Nadine, by Matt Cohen p. 67 1987 A Filly for Melinda, Doris Gates, p. 114, 1984 Understanding Human Nature, p.32, Alfred Adler, 1998  “… You were probably raised in a straight jacket, but you’re too repressed to even realize it.  You don’t understand Americans; we don’t make it our business to produce perfectly behaved angels.”Oxford Dictionary of Current Idiomatic Englishby Anthony Paul. Cowie, Ronald. Mackin, Isabel R. McCaig – Language Arts & Disciplines – 1983, page 321 You don’t understand. Americans, if you’ll forgive me, Spenser, don’t understand the difference between being a gentleman, and just not being one.Tampico: A Novel – Page 196by Joseph Hergesheimer – 1927 – 328 pages I’ve said a thousand times you don’t understand Americans. You don’t know anything about me. I see you giving me those squint-eyed—those …

Mountain Laurel – Page 122by Jude Deveraux – Fiction – 1991 – 384 pages “You don’t understand. Americans have a horror of opera. They think opera is for rich people, for snobs. If an American says he has even seen an opera

The Journey – Page 396 by Cecilia Sternberg – History – 1977 – 576 pages ‘They will be once people know how expensive they are – you don’t understand Americans.’ Finally Nin Ryan brought a man to me, saying, ‘Howard … Asian Diasporas: Cultures, Identities, Representations – Page 33 by Robbie B. H. Goh, Shawn Wong – History – 2004 – 208 pages Cultural/Spatial Production, Abjection, and Exchange Robbie BH Goh “I can see you don’t understand Americans, Pooley — or blacks for that matter

Canada, the Uneasy Neighbor – Page 5by Gerald Clark – 1965 – 433 pages With familiar ease each Canadian almost invariably would open the rebuttal with the same words: “You don’t understand Americans the way I do.

Faraway – Page 223 by John Boynton Priestley – 1932 – 450 pages You understand English people, and you don’t understand Americans. I don’t pretend to understand Americans myself. The Prisoners of Combine D. – Page 308 by Len *Giovannitti – 1957 – 541 pages “You don’t understand Americans,” he said. “You explain them to me,” the German smirked. “I want to understand them.”

Dina took a hesitant step towards her. “you feel bad, angry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean. My English. It is not so…very good. I hope you understand. I hope I did not..Perhaps you did not understand.”349Dina is sorry for hurting Joan’s feelings. She admits that her words might have made Joan feel “bad, angry.”  She hopes that Joan realizes that it was not her intention to hurt her feelings.Sonia, on the other hand, is “alarmed.”She feels that she might not have explained herself correctly to Joan.  Both women are not native English speakers (one is Italian, and mine is Israeli) therefore it is natural that they should fear that their language skills are not adequate, and both would want to clarify that their words. Sonia is looking at me in alarm. “Oh dear Sarah! she began slowly.  “Please excuse me! I hope you understand! I hope I have not…Perhaps you did not understand me…” 343The Smart Set: A Magazine of Cleverness – Page 32by Henry Louis Mencken, George Jean Nathan – 1930 “Perhaps you did not understand me—it is foolish to say insulting things. You know perfectly well why I left this house last night and went alone to a hotelBlackwood’s Magazine – Page 208   1980 Mr Ah’ Bakhsh,” he said, ” perhaps you did not understand me. Listen. I do not want to connect my drainpipe now; so I do not require a licence.

Among the Humorists and After-dinner Speakers: A New Collection of Humorous … – Page 281by William Patten – 1909 No move was made to supply the liquor. “Perhaps you did not understand me. Will some gentleman kindly loan me a pint flask of whisky? The Adelphi … – Page 807by John Middleton Murry – 1927 Please, Georgie— perhaps you did not understand me—I didn’t mean that—” ” All right,” he broke in drily. ” I say I shall think it over. Follow the Shadows – Page 257by Jocelyn Carew – 1979 – 467 pages “Perhaps you did not understand me,” he said in an even voice. He took a step toward her. “Aimery—” He crossed the short distance between them, 62 examples available
Oh, I understand all right.Joan is talking about the language barrier.ההקשר הוא השפה – ג’ון אינה מבינה את השפהThe Vagrant Duke – Page 147by George Gibbs – 1921 – 370 pages Oh, I understand, all right. Are you goin’, Beth ?” She glanced at Peter, who nodded toward the path, and she came between themAbsence of Justice – Page 143by Millicent Y. Hodge – Fiction – 2003 – 400 pages “Oh, I understand all right,” said Katherine. “I understand that every time you come near my daughter something horrible happens. I understand that. Atlantic Reporter – Page 415 by Maine Supreme Judicial Court, West Publishing Company, Pennsylvania Supreme Court, Rhode Island Supreme Court, Vermont Supreme Court, New Hampshire Supreme Court – 1939 A. Oh, I understand. All right.” (Of course, it is interesting to note that that colloquy took place in the presence of the Grand Jury and the statement is The Long-Haired Boy – Page 241

by Christopher Matthew – 1980 – 248 pages ‘Oh, I understand all right,’ she said, unable to disguise the bitterness in her voice. ‘You feel you’ve got to prove to yourself that you’re really a Whistle – Page 54by James Jones – 1978 I’m doing my work the way it ought to be done, the way I was taught to do it” “Oh, I understand all right,”129 examples available
No, I understood very well. I understand you, Sonia, I understand fine.Shapiro is talking about the content of what was said.שפירו מתייחסת פה לרגשות ולא לשפה.
“I hope I have not hurt you.”Commonplace phrase, part of an apology.  I can give hundreds of examples. I hope I have not hurt you”161 examples available.Handbook of Idiomatic English as Now Written and Spoken – Page 106by John Kirkpatrick – 1912 – 317 pages I hope I have not hurt you. He was run over by a cab and got hurt. \ did not mean to hurt your feelings. He felt hurt because I told him theMacmillan’s Magazine – Page 268by John Morley, Mowbray Morris, David Masson, George Grove – 1894 But I hope I have not hurt you so very much.” “Bruk’ my head in two, that’s what you have done, Passon. Oh, you can’t goo to tell on me, after hatting meThe Adventures of Oliver Twist – Page 168by Charles Dickens, Chapman and Hall – 1855 – 291 pages “I hope I have not hurt you ! ” ” Rot you ! ” murmured the man, in a horrible passion : between his clenched teeth; “if I had only had the courage to say Charles Dickens’s works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set … – Page 152 by Charles Dickens – 1867 I hope I have not hurt you ! ” “Death !” muttered the man to himself, glaring at the boy with his large dark eyes. ” Who would have thought it I Grind him
Joan summoned up all her anger, preparing to go on the offensive again, to tell this employee not to presume to think…to tell her where to get off, when all of a sudden without warning, her eyes overflowed with big salty tears that gushed down her cheeks.(neither of us is very original)

Palm Beach: A Novel – Page 49by Pat Booth – Fiction – 1985 Tenderly Lisa looked down at the ravaged face “Oh, momma,” she sobbed, as the big salty tears welled up in Lisa’s eyes

Fortune’s Bride – Page 33 by Jane Peart – Fiction – 1990 All at once Avril felt very lonely and abandoned. A salty tear down each cheek and she leaned her head against one of the banister posts.   Again, Joan’s stance is that of the employer facing the chutzpah of an employee.  Unlike Shapiro, she doesn’t view the maid as an equal from whom it is necessary to defend herself, she isn’t indecisive on whether her criticism is right or wrong.  She accepts that what she says is true (she’s even flattered by it in a way). She only questions her right as an employee to have the nerve to speak to her like that.  She considers, not defending herself, but the opposite “going on the “offensive” attacking her,  putting her in her place: “to tell her where to get off.”  In the end, her only answer is to cry, not because Dina has hurt her feelings, but BECAUSE HER LIFE IS SO DIFFICULT, HER CHILDREN DON’T APPRECIATE HER, SHE WORKS SO HARD. Shapiro and Sonia are completely different:   She considers defending herself:  “I was going to summon up some line of defense.” Instead, she admits that the criticism that her household is badly run, her children misbehaved has hurt her feelings. “You did hurt me.”   Joan is surprised to find herself crying instead of telling off Dina “all of a sudden without warning.” Shapiro is not surprised.  It follows from her “You did hurt me.”

I was going to shake my head not, I was going to summon up some line of defense. I was going to tell her where she was mistaken…but instead I just chose the path of least resistance. The words fell from me like flat slips of cardboard.  “You did hurt me.” Then my eyes brimmed with tears and spilled over, big wet drops down my face. (105 examples available)Poovan Banana and Other Stories – Page 102by Vaikom Muhammad Basheer – 1994 – 216 pages My eyes brimmed with tears. “Did you pick up the baby when it was bitten by ants?” “Yes.” “I thought you were stealing it!” She took out a quarter-rupeeBe a Woman: Hayashi Fumiko and Modern Japanese Women’s Literature – Page 158by Joan E. Ericson – Literary Criticism – 1997 – 273 pages Without my realizing it, my eyes brimmed with tears. Limited preview – About this book-Top of Form Bottom of FormAdd to my librarySunset – Page 52by Southern Pacific Company. Passenger Dept – 1898 The late afternoon sun shining aslant the windows must have reflected brightly, for as I turned, my eyes brimmed with tears. The Happy Ending “IWill’s Boy: a memoir – Page 162by Wright Morris – Literary Criticism – 1981 – 200 pages My eyes brimmed with tears, knowing in my heart how unworthy of such love I was. I saw her briefly at the station, her hands in a fur muff, snow sparkling
The words affected Dina like a blow.  She seemed to totter and lose her equilibrium (349)The words that affect Dina “like a blow” are the following: “You wouldn’t be so smart if you had any children of your own.”Dina has a child, a son, that she has been forced to leave behind in America.  This has nothing to do at all with the conversation about her children and lifestyle that they have been talking about.  Shapiro’s own  “knees feel wobbly, “  not the maid’s , because of  the maid’s  criticism of her home and children.  Shapiro writes:“My knees felt wobbly. It was as if Sonia had unknowingly tripped the switch of a secret trapdoor, and I had plummeted through into the cellar”. p. 342 My knees felt wobbly p. 342
“I’ve never made anyone cry before. I mean aside from family. I’ve never made a stranger cry.  I feel awful, Joan said.המעבידה מתנצלת לעובדת. Oh dear, now Sonia was really alarmed. Please forgive me –to make someone cry like this, I have never done this in my life!“You’ve never made anyone cry in your life?” I asked suspiciously, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.  My mother, my sister, but never someone who is not close.העובדת מתנצלת למעבידה.
I ask for forgiveness”Dina asks for forgiveness, not because of what she said, but because she feels unworthy to criticize anyone else because of her own sins: She thinks: “What right do I have to judge anyone else after what I’ve done?” p. 349In Shapiro’s, the maid asks for forgiveness for religious reasons.  Unlike Joan, Shapiro doesn’t want to forgive. She nods “half-heartedly” not with her whole heart.  The maid is alarmed and begs her.   She must be forgiven now.  She “can’t wait until Yom Kippur.”  Again, this is a different story, a story of a conflict between equals, both subscribing to the same religious values.  It is a religious precept to ask forgiveness from someone and to be forgiven. This motif doesn’t exist in my story. Forgive me! Please. Do you forgive me!I nodded half-heartedly.“I cannot wait for Yom Kippur to get your forgiveness Sarah. I ask you again to forgive me.”
 “I forgive you Dina.” I forgive you because you haven’t done anything wrong.  The kids treat each other like dirt and have precious little respect for me or their father. A lot of it is my faught, I was too busy, to tired, too full of psychology tetbooks to educate them when they were little, and now I let them get away with murder because it’s the path of least resistance. 350Again, this is a cultural conflict, not a religious one, and one of status.  The employer recognizes that Dina, the maid, hasn’t been disrespectful to her as an employee. In the context of the scene in the book where the children are shown speaking to each other and to her with disrespect (there is no similar scene in Shapiro) Joan reviews her parenting as a secular, American woman, recognizing some of the bad results.  This has nothing to do with religious beliefs about “honoring father and mother” etc. which is dominant in Shapiro’s conflict. I forgive you.” Truly. Yes. Because she is right, I thought from the pit where my soul at that moment lay, under fallen debris. My children have not be sufficiently educted to be respectful towards their parents and towards each other. I am unaware I am too permissive. They don’t have inme a good role model. This young woman’s only sin is that she said the truth. 344She enumerates all her failings as a religious woman in educating her children to religious values.
“I’ve given up hope that I can change anything. 350Joan thinks it’s too late to change things, recognizing her  kids are the product of an American, secular upbringing, and that’s the way they’ll  behave.Shapiro is the opposite!  Far from “giving up hope” Shapiro is full of hope, She redoubles her efforts to win Sonia’s approval by screaming and hitting her kids so that they won’t embarrass her by “showing they don’t come from a good home.” It’s my fault. I can’t let them get away with this anymore. But it’s too late to change things.  They are showing everyone that they don’t come from a good home. They need to be smacked! They don’t deserve my patience, they’re going to be punished.””345
10. “You wouldn’t be so smart if you have any children of your own.”Joan doesn’t know Dina has a child she has left behind in America.  Dina does have a child. How many children does she have? asked one woman. No, she doesn’t have children yet,” I replied, anticipating the laughter.
“Joan, I will work for you. I will do a good job for you.’Do you feel up to itWhat right have I to judge anyone else after what I’ve done[Dina’s referring to the affair she had and being kicked out of her home by modesty patrol, and being forced to leave her husband and child]I will begin and I will finish. I will do everything.Joan felt herself smile, touched by Dina’s desire to prove her worth. I don’t want a corpse smelling of Ajax on my hands 351Dina is now living in Joan’s house.  There is no place else for her to go.  She has to work for her, but she let’s her know that even though she may not have behaved as an employee so far, she will actually do a good job and work hard. Sonia hasn’t been hired yet. She isn’t trying to prove her worth as an employee, but as a human being. She “volunteers” to work for nothing to “atone” for her sins against Shapiro. Joan’s joke about not working too hard again, it’s an employer talking to an employee.  With Shapiro, this woman is an equal, it’s a personal relationship. Sonia wanted to work for free now for a few hours, as atonement.  “I am your prisoner now because of what I have done[Sonia’s referring to making Shapiro cry by telling her the truth about her messed up house and wildly behaved children]But whatever little flame of indignance I harbored toward her and had been snuffed out by other sentiments.  Her sincerity sufficed to appease me; I didn’t need her slavery.Shapiro actually considered letting her atone for her sins by working for nothing, but now is sufficiently appeased to be willing to pay her for her work.
Differencesa. Dina sees a typical morning, Sonia sees a birthday partyb. Joan has three mostly older children, who speak to each other the way American children speak. They aren’t fighting with each other, just rude. Nothing unusual.  Shapiro has little kids tearing up a birthday cake, screaming their heads off.c. Dina, the maid,doesn’t interfere with the children.  Doesn’t speak to them or to her employer, just watches.  Sonia both intervenes, telling one of Shapiro’s kids: “You do not need to raise your voice” and another “I have never in my life been at a birthday party where the children fought over the birthday cake.”d. Joan and Shapiro are both aware that a stranger is in their house.  But Joan is embarrassed by what her maid is seeing.  Shapiro doesn’t think there is anything wrong “all this is normal.”e.  Dina is profoundly shocked by what she sees: it’s a different planet to her. “Behind Dina’s uncomprehending stare lay a shock as profound as any the young woman had ever experienced.”We have no description of what Sonia is thinking and feeling at all. “She seemed to be taking it well.”  We don’t know. The maid both disciplines the children and offers advice to Shapiro
13. “Sh…ugar he screamed, bounding up the stairs. 357Please. This is commonplace.First plea of the open day – Bristol City Supporters Trust Forum 

dollymarie oh sh-ugar! Will go and buy a pot from Smiths… Jul 22 2005, 07:01 PM. speedwellred QUOTE(dollymarie @ Jul 22 2005, 06:01 PM)oh s.Send them a bag of sh–ugar beets, won’t you? Unfortunately only toll free numbers 1-800-287-7110 and 1-800-543-4466 appear in the catalog (I have it right Topic: Why did they join the UN/DPI? Who gives a flying sh-ugar … 

Much has been made over possible motives behind the Watchtower Society joining the UN/DPI. My response is currently the same as it was in my first letter to www.jehovahs-witness.com/…/Why+did+they+join+the+UN%2FDPI%3F+Who+gives+a+flying+sh-ugar+coated+waffle%3F – 34k – CachedComments on: Child-safe swear words 

I worry about the “emergency” swearing substitutes like sh-ugar and fu-dgecake. They are a bit too euphemistic for my liking. Besides, in these times of

oh sh….ugar – KO reciever broke – RaceChat 

oh sh….ugar – KO reciever broke Speedos & Radio Gear. www.rcracechat.com/vb/showthread.php?t=21944 – 30k

He says sugar.  How doesn’t Corinaldi know what he meant?

There are no לבטיםJoan’s house is “sparkling, immaculate”.  Joan feels a “surge of hope” because she has a big party to prepare for that afternoon: “The party would be fine.  Joan doesn’t mention the disagreement they’d had. She’s forgotten all about it.Shapiro’s, “excited at the idea of having help…the house would get more organized.”   But we don’t know what kind of job the maid’s done. It’s the idea, not the actual work done.
Culture clash:  Joan is talking about Dina’s turning off the video when her children were watching Batman. She isn’t angry. It’s a clash of cultures, religious vs. secular:  “And Dina, about the video the other day.” She took a deep breath.  “Honey you just don’t understand our culture.” and she kindly explains this to this haredi girl from Israel as she sits across from her in a glatt kosher restaurant in New York.   There is never any question of her firing Dina.Shapiro and her maid have the same values and religious beliefs, but Shapiro can’t live up to them: You must come from some spotless Sephardic household, you have a whole different standard.”  She decides to fire the maid.  “I could not afford her…emotionally nor financially much less recover from her on-and-off approval.”   Again, unlike Joan, she needs her maid’s -Sonia’s- approval.  This is a relationship between equals with the same values.
Again, Joan’s reaction: “She was the maid, simply the maid. “This is not her equal, she doesn’t need her approval.It had to be dealt with p. 384 (these words do not appear on page 384. I don’t know where they are.To Shapiro, this is never a maid. She never refers to her as a maid.  She  is  an equal “this girl” whose criticism, because Sonia is a religious girl from a religious home and Shapiro would like to have the same kind of home, her criticism is very important to her.
hot summer?  cool autumn?Joan and Dina have gone shopping together to buy Dina clothes.  Sonia casually invites Shapiro to join her to pick up one of the kids from gan…..?
For Dina, this is a clash of cultures:She’s nothing like any woman I’ve ever know…She has one set of dishes.  She wears immodest clothes. She allows her children to behave with terrible disrespect.  Why, in Meah Shearim, she would be shunned and chased out of the neighborhood. Then how can it be, Dina thought, truly confused, that she is also one of the  kindest nicest people I’ve ever met?”How can a secular woman be a good person?  Dina’s confused. She doesn’t have an answer.Shapiro’s Sonia, she lowers her standards to get her job back. She has been fired, begs for her job back, and adopts Shapiro’s attitude towards her messy house and noisy, fighting kids.  She says that in her new job the kids are respectful and don’t fight but “they are sad these kids. They are frightened of the mother.”“ What the Jewish people need are  is families with a lit of kids to give us back the many children Hitler killed.”An untidy house is the price to be paid for this, the maid decides, so be it.
There is nothing remotely similar in the story of Dina and Joan, which is the story of religious vs. secular values, and the story of Shapira and Sonia, which has to do with two religious women who disagree about housekeeping standards and the discipline of children. Dina learens to appreciate the openness of the secular world, the right to listen “to her own heart and mind” and to find her own way toward God.  Dina rejects the haredi lifestyle she was brought up with.  When she talks about finding her own way towards God, it includes many of the secular values Joan has: freedom, creativity, learning.Shapiro simply accepts the fact that if her house is a mess and her kids are noisy and fighting, that’s all right, she can still be a good Jew.
phrases: Never, never in my life I have never in all my lifecommon phrase, out of 606 examples available)Report of the Proceedings – Page 96by Church congress, International Co-operative Congress, Trades Union Congress – 1894 I have never in all my life gone to bed without saying my prayers.” This, he added, he learnt to do from the Catechism of the Church of England.History of My Life – Page 81by Giacomo Casanova, Willard R. Trask – 1997 I have never in all my life escaped from a greater danger. What saved me was my fear of angering the town mob, for I knew its ferocity. Huldreich Zwingli, the Reformer of German Switzerland, 1484-1531 – Page 30by Samuel Macauley Jackson, John Martin Vincent, Frank Hugh Foster – 1903 – 519 pages In regard to the third article, that I have sold livings in the same way that horses are sold at Zurzach, I have never in all my life sold a living or

Notes from Underground – Page 27by Fyodor Dostoyevsky – Fiction – 1972 – 288 pages Oh, gentlemen, perhaps the only reason I consider myself a clever man is that I have never in all my life been able to either begin or finish anything

The Sunken Bell: A Fairy Play in Five Acts by Gerhart Hauptmann – 1898 Page 482 I have never in all my life besides felt such profound sadness as now while this dawn was slowly brightening. Alone in a foreign country,

The Letters of Henry James – Page 269by Henry James – 1920 I have never in all my life gone in for these other things, but have dodged and shirked and successfully

The Undying Past – Page 59 by Hermann Sudermann – 1906 – 382 pages I have never in all my life been tied to apron- strings, and hope I never shall. But I am in the habit of listening to what my conscience dictates

Corinaldi  rewrites quote:Corinaldi ”And such a mother….so nice…show does so much for her children 348actual quote:And such a mother! So kind, so nice, so generous, who does so much for her children. Corinaldi rewrites her quote.Corninaldi: And especially a mother like this…So nice…And she does so much work for you.”Actual quote:And especially a mother like this, she gestured to me. “So nice, and her hair covered, and modest, the long skirt! And she does so much work for you!”
actual quote:But in my home, nobody ever raised his voice. In our house, there was a high quality of life; nobody ever raised his voice.

Review and Reflection: A Half-century of Labor Relations – Page 170by Cyrus Stuart Ching – 1953 – 204 pages with approximately 100 people in the bargaining room, nobody ever raised his voiceor indulged in recriminations. An outsider hardly would have known itRoosevelt, New Jersey: Big Dreams in a Small Town & what Time Did to Them – Page 59by Edwin Rosskam – 1972 – 148 pages All-night parties unheard of up to then in this coffee-and-cake community where nobody ever raised his voiceexcept to call a childReview and Reflection: A Half-century of Labor Relations – Page 170by Cyrus Stuart Ching – 1953 – 204 pages with approximately 100 people in the bargaining room, nobody ever raised his voice or indulged in recriminations. An outsider hardly would have known it numerous examples available
I never heard my parents raise their voice to us or to each other(671 examples of raise their voice)common religious value)
In a religious home etc.(561 examples) common religious value
How dare she!Common phrase, 721 examples available:Rameau’s Niece – Page 242by Cathleen Schine – Fiction – 1994 How dare she? He’s my husband. That Edward might be fooling around with his pretty little students, while a proposition quite certain in Margaret’s mind forDora – Page 131by Julia Kavanagh – Fiction – 2001 – 345 pages “How dare she! —• how dare she!1′ cried Mrs Luan, working herself up “But how dare shepromise?” continued Mrs. Luan, stamping her foot in her rageDora – Page 131by Julia Kavanagh – Fiction – 2001 – 345 pages “How dare she! —• how dare she!1′ cried Mrs Luan, working herself up “But how dare she promise?” continued Mrs. Luan, stamping her foot in her rage

Rightfully Mine – Page 454by Doris Mortman – Fiction – 1990 How dare she dismiss her? How dare she think she could cow Irina with a stare How dare shethink she held the power to decide who would take

The Hunt – Page 37by William Diehl – Fiction – 1991 – 512 pages How dare she! How dare she defy and humiliate me. How dare she rob me in such a way. It was a question he had asked himself many times in the eighteen

27 – Page 41by William Diehl – Fiction – 1990 How dare she! How dare she defy and humiliate me. How dare she rob me in such a way. It was a question he had asked himself many times in the eighteen
How dare she say this!Not a common phrase.
Corninaldi changes quote:Whole quote:You sound like you were raised in a pressure cooker and you’re too repressed to even realize it.The Reader’s Digest – Page 121by Lila Bell Acheson Wallace, De Witt Wallace – 1922 I can see the day coming when children will be conceived by artificial insemination, born in cellophane, raised in a pressure cooker, sent to nursery schoolPox Britannica: The Unmaking of the British – Page 192by Clive Irving – History – 1974 – 245 pages He was not just the son of a great lawyer but was raised in a pressure cooker of competitiveness with the sons of other great men. whole quote:You were probably raised in a strait jacket, but you’re too repressed to even realize it.Will Rogers – Page 42by E. Paul Alworth – Performing Arts – 1974 – 140 pages A Guy raised in a straight Jacket is a corkscrew compared to a thick-headed Party Politician. All you would have to do to make some men Atheists is just
changes quote;You don’t understand Americans, Dina,”she defended herself weakly. “American mothers are not in the business of producing perfectly behaved little angelsNotorious Deception – Page 229by Adrienne Basso – 1994 Perfectly well-behaved little angels.” “The girls are perfect of course,” Caroline said in a teasing voice. “I am not certain the same can be said of you You don’t understand Americans; we don’t make it our business to produce perfectly behaved angels and a perfectly tidy house, and thank goodness we don’t. p. 343Oxford Dictionary of Current Idiomatic Englishby Anthony Paul. Cowie, Ronald. Mackin, Isabel R. McCaig – Language Arts & Disciplines – 1983 Page 321 You don’t understand. Americans, if you ‘¡I forgive me, Spenser, don’t understand the difference between being a gentleman, and just not being one.Tampico: A Novel – Page 196by Joseph Hergesheimer – 1927 – 328 pages I’ve said a thousand times you don’t understand Americans. You don’t know anything about me. I see you giving me those squint-eyed—those

Mountain Laurel – Page 122by Jude Deveraux – Fiction – 1991 – 384 pages “You don’t understand. Americans have a horror of opera. They think opera is for rich people, for snobs. If an American says he has even seen an opera

The Journey – Page 396 by Cecilia Sternberg – History – 1977 – 576 pages ‘They will be once people know how expensive they are – you don’t understand Americans.’ Finally Nin Ryan brought a man to me, saying, ‘Howard Asian Diasporas: Cultures, Identities, Representations – Page 33 by Robbie B. H. Goh, Shawn Wong – History – 2004 – 208 pages Cultural/Spatial Production, Abjection, and Exchange Robbie BH Goh “I can see you don’t understand Americans, Pooley — or blacks for that matter

Canada, the Uneasy Neighbor – Page 5by Gerald Clark – 1965 – 433 pages With familiar ease each Canadian almost invariably would open the rebuttal with the same words: “You don’t understand Americans the way I do.

Faraway – Page 223 by John Boynton Priestley – 1932 – 450 pages You understand English people, and you don’t understand Americans. I don’t pretend to understand Americans myself. The Prisoners of Combine D. – Page 308 by Len *Giovannitti – 1957 – 541 pages “You don’t understand Americans,” he said. “You explain them to me,” the German smirked. “I want to understand them.” Colonel Roper straightened in his Perfectly behaved

The New Language of Change: Constructive Collaboration in Psychotherapy – Page 261by Steven Friedman – Psychology – 1993 – 464 pages I want my children to be perfectly behaved. I can recall that growing up, my brothers, sister, and I were always perfectly behaved.adine – Page 67by Matt Cohen – Fiction – 1987 I was perfectly behaved. I had to be perfectly behaved because my categorical imperative was to be good—to strive, to succeed, to camouflage theMichael Bloomfield: If You Love These Blues – Page 5by Jan Mark Wolkin, Bill Keenom – Biography & Autobiography – 2000 – 280 pages This was a town of perfectly behaved little kids, where all the parents were lawyers or doctors or psychiatrists, perfectly proper people. … The Woman in the Wall – Page 10by Partice “*Kindl – Juvenile Fiction – 1997 – 192 pages Anna at least is always perfectly behaved.” Andrea and Kirsty looked sulky. “I wouldn’t do anything,” Andrea said. “Me neither!” shrilled Kirsty

The Alchemy of Survival: One Woman’s Journey – Page 160by John E. Mack, Rita Stenzler Rogers – Biography & Autobiography – 1988 – 238 pages These were not well- behaved little angels. They were kids who had lost or had never known their parents and had grown up on the streets and in the black Snippet view – About this book-Top of Form Bottom of FormAdd to my libraryMore editions

Knave of Hearts – Page 260 by Anton, Shari – Fiction – 2001 Marian wanted Audra and Lyssa rested and well- behaved, little angels in the darling gowns Christina had delivered to the tent. “My thanks, Stephen, but I Notorious Deception – Page 229 by Adrienne Basso – 1994 Perfectly well-behaved little angels.” “The girls are perfect of course,” Caroline said in a teasing voice. “I am not certain the same can be said of you

I hope you understand.56, 400 examples in .40 seconds I hope you understand.
I hope I did not.413, 600 examples in .45 seconds I hope I have not
Perhaps you did not understand20, 800 examples perhaps you did not understand me
I understand875, 600 examples .18 seconds I understand
I ask for forgiveness 3493650 examples Full quote: I cannot wait for Yom Kippur to get your forgiveness, Sarah. p. 344
I forgive you.76,800 examples on google in .60 seconds I forgive you
Dina, about the video the other day.” She took a deep breath. “ Honey, you just don’t understand our culture and  I can’t have you impose your own very different standards on the children.” p. 371 Corinaldi changes quote: Full quote:You must come from some kind of a spotless Sephardic household, you have a whole different standard. Don’t impose it on me. p. 344Divided Loyalties – Page 120by L. K. Malone – Fiction – 2001 – 320 pages “You can have whatever you want, but don’t impose it on me.” He rose. “I’ll be sleeping on the sofa until it comes down. .Text and Ritual in Early China – Page 209by Martin Kern – Literary Criticism – 2005 – 332 pages and you don’t impose it on me haughtily, so I will heed your remonstrance.” The next day he issued orders saying, “Whosoever can present remonstrances, The Futures of Evangelicalism: Issues and Prospects – Page 208by Craig G Bartholomew, Robin A Parry, Andrew West – Religion – 2004 – 317 pages If an approach to life works for you that’s great, but don’t claim that it is true in any ultimate sense and don’t impose it on me. .. Postal Modernization: Hearings, Ninety-first Congress, First [and Second … – Page 383 by United States Congress. Senate. Committee on Post Office and Civil Service – 1970 – 1431 pages They recommend the trains or planes or railroads to everybody else, but they still use their car—”Just don’t impose it on me.” This, too, is part of the Hearings, Reports and Prints of the Senate Committee on Post Office and … – Page 401 by United States Congress. Senate. Committee on Post Office and Civil Service They recommend the trains or planes or railroads to everybody else, but they still use their car—”Just don’t impose it on me.” This, too, is part of the
Doesn’t appear on page 371for goodness sake For goodness sakes885 examples .14 seconds
It was ridiculous 384Doesn’t appear on 384 It’s ridiculous 342Whole quote: It’s ridiculous that this girl should get to me like this. Brush it off!
After what I’ve doneWhole quote:What right have I to judge anyone else after what I’ve done? 349referring to her adulterous affair, and her leaving her family

The Recognitions – Page 549by William Gaddis – Fiction – 1993 – 976 pages You can see that I can’t just go to her, like this, after what I’ve doneThe Century Illustrated Monthly Magazineby Roy J. Friedman Mark Twain Collection (Library of Congress) – 1892 Page 570 You mean I ought n’t to be after what I ‘ve done?

The American Magazine – Page 7071888 prayed Sarah ; “you see I don’t dare to go back after what I’ve done—he’ll kill me as quick as not.Fondie – Page 409

Christmas Roses: And Other Stories – Page 60by Anne Douglas Sedgwick – Fiction – 1971 After what I ‘ve done!” “Oh — I can’t! I can’t!” said Christopher Dar- ley. “How could I accept it from you? Already you’ve been unbelievably beautiful toFarragan’s Retreat – Page 85by Tom McHale – 1971 – 311 pages I want to die after what I’ve done to poor Stephen. That’s the sin I’m drinkin’ for now.” “You didn’t do anything to Stephen, ……
because of what I have doneWhole quote:“I am your prisoner now because of what I have done.” 345referring to  to hurting Shapiro’s feelings by telling her her kids are brats and her house is a mess.
She felt herself shrinking as if the hard substance of her ego were being sucked out of her, leaving behind a thin, fragile shell (348)Difference in meaning: Her ego is sucked out of her, the way an egg loses its contents, leaving behind a weak and vulnerable shell.The words “shrinking” and “sucking:” often appear together in sentences.P. 54 The Pride of Lions, by Marsha Canhan “only a curious shrinking , sucking sensation.p.55 Silent Fire, by James E. Connor“He was a bony man. The kind who ages by shrinking and sucking in all the thousands points of his flesh into one skeletal frame.” p.63 Education Policy and Social Class, Stephen J. Ball “sucking in resources and shrinking in terms of emitted production.” Size – Page 106 by Albert William Gray – Fiction – 1989 – 215 pages shrinking back and sucking in her breath. Then in a flash Size appeared in the dream, standing behind Oscar with his arms folded

The Psychology of Relaxation – Page 80by George Thomas White Patrick – 1916 – 280 pages But to crying and sucking and shrinking from objects of fear we do not give the name “play,” because, being of the immediate life-serving kind,

Feather Crowns: a novel – Page 87 by Bobbie Ann Mason – Fiction – 1993 The babies nursing made her feel her womb shrinking, as if they were sucking the air out of it. Word Freak: Heartbreak, Triumph, Genius, and Obsession in the World of … – Page 89 by Stefan Fatsis – Games – 2001 – 372 pages You need to see the shrinking world into which you are being sucked as a fully formed whole. Before I throw myself deeper into the abyss that Scrabble … Twelve Bar Blues – Page 273 by Patrick Neate, Frantz Fanon – Fiction – 2004 – 416 pages Tongo sucked on the quickly shrinking gar butt and began to wish he’d constructed something more substantial for himself. By the time he reached the ruins The Georgics – Page 60 by Simon, Claude – Fiction – 1989 the rear of the train like a dark spot shrinking away there on the long straight line, as if sucked along, its cargo of babies on the bottle Gift from the Stars – Page 146 by James E. Gunn – Fiction – 2005 – 240 pages Some were exploding, some were shrinking into nothingness, and some had their essence sucked The Artifact – Page 175 by Patrick Astre – Fiction – 2005 – 220 pages The ball of energy was shrinking. It steadily grew smaller as if something sucked out its substance through the beam, consuming it like a kid with a straw The Shattering Light of Stars – Page 207 by Scott Elliot Hicks – Fiction – 2005 – 348 pages A large chunk of the thick glass is missing from the abandoned city and he is sucked back toward the hole, shrinking toward the vanishing point of The Wars Of Time: The Rise Of Thelios – Page 357 by Matthew J Connors – Fiction – 2005 – 472 pages lived as he whirled around to find the cloud shrinking and disappearing. found himself being sucked towards the center of the cloud like a black

The Malahat Review – Page 39by University of Victoria (B.C.) – 1967 snakes but in no private place shall I with you be changed all hearts all bones and tongues finely compacted to a shrinking star sucked into blackness, Snippet viewEssential Love: Poems about Mothers and Fathers, Daughters and Sons – Page 264by Ginny Lowe Connors – Poetry – 2000 – 341 pages In a way, we could have been that bald spot, our growing shrinking him into a corner, the years our bones added to their fledgling marrow suckedaway fromThe Complete Poetical Works of Elizabeth Barrett Browningby Elizabeth (Barrett) Browning – 1900 – 548 pages Page 194 And sucked the soul of that child of mine As the humming-hird sucks the soul I know you staring, shrinking back, Ye are born of theWashington-race, Ashes to Ashes – Page 109 by Tami Hoag – Fiction – 2000 – 593 pages At the same time, she felt her consciousness shrinking and herself being sucked deeper and deeper into the Zone. The Keepers – Page 282 by H. L. Chandler – Fiction – 2005 Andy staggered and felt as if he were shrinking, as if all his vital juices were being sucked out by the sly,
And here I am, my self shrinking into a tennis ball, a tight little ball sucking itself speedily backwards into the distance. To get away from this. 342She becomes small and compact, hard, like a “tight, little ball” and hurls herself backwards, to take herself out of this difficult situation of criticism.

The Collected Works of Langston Hughes – Page 204by Langston Hughes, Arnold Rampersad – 2001 does at Coney Island, when a big old wave goes sucking itself backwards into the ocean, pulling out from under your feet, water and sand from under your
“frank astonishment”whole quote:She looked at Joan with frank astonishment that bordered on horror. p. 347not similar as if amazed (341)
“We fought only over who could do more 348We were ashamed not to help our parents. We fought only over who could do more.not the same We used to fight among ourselves only for who would have the privilege of washing dishes341
You sound like you were raised in a pressure cookerBoth aren’t original phrases.p. 121 Readers Digest 1922 “by Lila Bell Acheson Wallace, De Witt Wallace – 1922 I can see the day coming when children will be conceived by artificial insemination, born in cellophane, raised in a pressure cooker, sent to nursery school Pox Britannia: Unmaking of the British, by Clive Irving – History – 1974 – 245 pages He was not just the son of a great lawyer but was raised in a pressure cooker of competitiveness with the sons of other great men. Snippet view – You were probably raised in a straight jacket

Will Rogers – Page 42by E. Paul Alworth – Performing Arts – 1974 – 140 pages A Guy raised in a straight Jacket is a corkscrew compared to a thick-headed Party Politician. All you would have to do to make some men Atheists is just
I’ve given up hope that I can change anythingNo examples of exact wording. This is a more original arrangement of the words words
The following discussion on man’s nature and the ability to overcome it and improve is held in a completely different context:In Sotah, this conversation takes place between a husband an wife in a discussion on birth control:“Why couldn’t she look forward to the idea of ten or eleven children, once after the other with faith and joy and submission to God’s infinite wisdom?She began to weep uncontrollably. Yaakov reached out and held her in his arms. “Sha, my darling wife, I know it’s so hared for you, for all women.  And I don’t do enough to help you. I’ll try harder. He stroke her hair gently, soothingly.She buried her face in his shoulder,” I don’t want another baby. In Growing with my Children, this conversation, takes place between a woman and a Rav to whom she has gone to ask advice how to control  her temper:“There or four years ago, in an old neighborhood of Jerusalem, I stood with Elisheve strapped to me in a Snuggly baby carrier waiting to speak to a certain reknown rabbi…”I’m hear to talk with him about having lost control of myself a lot lately.”…“My anger, Rav Simcha. I lose my temper with my children and my husband.”

   

“Sotah” (Naomi Ragen)

“Growing With My Children” (Sarah Shapiro)

Can a fish become a lion?Both phrases and the concept are based on the words of Yermiyahu: “Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? (Jer: 13:23) about the impossibility of a person changing his nature.The Ramban, Hilchot Daot, Perek Aleph, Halacha Bet, continues this well-known basic Jewish concept: Man has many different kinds of nature, each one is different and distant from each other.  There is a person who is a hot-head and perpetually angry, and there is a person who is calm, and nothing ever angers him, or at the most once every few years…A person’s character is given to him at the time of his creation according to his natural qualities. Can an apple become a pearInner Journey: Lectures and Essays on Jungian Psychology 1999by Barbara Hannah, Dean L. Frantz (Editor) p. 97It is just as impossible to deviate from our own essential patten as it would be for an apple to become a pear, or a tiger an innocent lamb
When you bump into a wall, are you angry at the wall?“She smiled faintly, shaking her head no.”“No. You can’t get angry at the wall. Or the baby. Or me. We’re just the messengers, reminding you of your weakness and also comforting you, telling you that you have the strength to overcome it, to go beyond your nature.(Pslams: Samson Raphael Hirsch, commentary) CIII pay-heh“He remembered that like all other human beings we too were earthy creatures and as such prone to error, indeed the moral shortcomings that adhered to us were taken into ccount when we were chosen, for it was precisely through them that the wondrous might of Divine discipline was to be demonstrated. When you bump into a table, are you angry at the table.Pratikraman: Freedom through apology & repentance – Page 45by Dr. Niruben Amin To blame others for saying anything to you that hurts you, is your fault. Why do you not blame the wall when you bumpinto it?Perceptual Experience – Page 185by Tamar Gendler, John (John P.) Hawthorne – Psychology – 2006 – 560 pages If during a walk in a forest I bump my head on a low branch of a tree, it is better that I (and change my ways) than that I pin the blame on the tree.How to Live – Page 55by Arnold Bennett – 1925 – 412 pages Whenever I bump up against an opposing personality and my smooth progress is impeded, I secretly blame the opposer. I act as though I had shouted to the Empiricism and Experience – Page 28 Perceptual Experience – Page 185 by Tamar Gendler, John (John P.) Hawthorne – Psychology – 2006 – 560 pages If during a walk in a forest I bump my head on a low branch of a tree, it is better that I (and change my ways) than that I pin the blame on the tree. How to Live – Page 55 by Arnold Bennett – 1925 – 412 pages Whenever I bump up against an opposing personality and my smooth progress is impeded, I secretly blame the opposer. I act as though I had shouted to the Nuraya: Crime and Justice Vs. the Truth – Page 116 by H. A. Rasheed – Political Science – 2003 – 220 pages And when we do bump into something, we blame the chain for stubbing our toe, on the dog for lying in the way Babies and Young Children: Certificate in Child Care and Education, Diploma … – Page 36 by Marian Beaver, Jo Brewster – Family & Relationships – 2002 – 164 pages They believe everything has a consciousness, so that if they bump into an object they blame the object (animism

Plato’s Individuals – Page 263by Mary Margaret MacCabe – Medical – 1994 – 339 pages …..and I hold others responsible for what they do just because they are persons (I do not blame the lamppost when I bump into it). …

Nuraya: Crime and Justice Vs. the Truth – Page 116 by H. A. Rasheed – Political Science – 2003 – 220 pages And when we do bump into something, we blame the chain for stubbing our toe, on the dog for lying in the way Babies and Young Children: Certificate in Child Care and Education, Diploma … – Page 36 by Marian Beaver, Jo Brewster – Family & Relationships – 2002 – 164 pages They believe everything has a consciousness, so that if they bump into an object they blame the object (animism

Plato’s Individuals – Page 263by Mary Margaret MacCabe – Medical – 1994 – 339 pages …..and I hold others responsible for what they do just because they are persons (I do not blame the lamppost when I bump into it). …
Do you get nachas from the baby?The use of the words nachas as referring to children is commonplaceMy Father, My King: Connecting with the Creator – Page 247by Zelig Pliskin – Religion – 1996 – 365 pages Every parent wants happiness from his or her children, and so do I. A human parent’s need for nachas is a metaphor for your relationship with Me The storyteller, Vol.2, Nissan Mindelp. 156 “nachas from the children’The Secret Code and other Stories,Gershon Kranzlerp.40. “He derived much nachas from his children” The art of Jewish grandparenting, Moshe Mannheim Another Year in Africa – Page 125 by Rose Zwi – 1980 – 172 pages ‘Nachas from children!’ Berka shouted, his voice thick with drink. He thrust a piece of paper at p. 59 Sociocultural Changes in American Jewish Life As Reflected in Selected … – Page 85 by Bernard Cohen – Social Science – 1972 Who could have such ‘nachas,’ such satisfaction from children? The world gets better all the time. All the time,” she echoed herself. A Certain People: American Jews and Their Lives Today – Page 142 by Charles E. Silberman – Social Science – 1985 – 458 pages It is not surprising that this should be so: precisely because children are their parents’ nachas—because parents live vicariously through their children’s.

Rigshei Lev: Women and Tefilla: Perspectives, Laws and Customs – Page 319by Menachem Nissel – Religion – 2001 – 250 pages May you merit to enjoy many more happy, healthy years of nachas from your children and the generations to come. You are my greatest gift from Hashem.

Reward of the Righteous Women – Page 36 by Shlita Biala Rebbe – 442 pages When the children came of age, they returned to their parents in great masses, asked her what she had done to merit such great nachas from her children Anger: The Inner Teacher – Page 5 by Zelig Pliskin – Self-Help – 1997 – 376 pages May you have good health and much nachas from your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. I wish to express deep gratitude to Rabbi Noach Wein-

My Soul Thirsts Still – Page 48by Zalman Aryeh Hilsenrad – Religion – 1985 He pleaded with her to manage as best she could and live with the hope to hashem that she will yet have Nachas from herchild. It came to pass that the RavThe JPS Guide to Jewish Women: 600 B.C.E.to 1900 C.E. – Page 114by Taitz, Emily, Henry, Sondra, Cheryl Tallan – Religion– 2003 – 354 pagesUsed in the expression shep nachas, which roughly translates as “get joy,” as in “She’s getting straight A’s. Her parents must shep nachas from her
Do you get nachas from her?
step we take to transcend what is(not actual quote;  “He takes pleasure in us, in every tiny step we make to transcend what is base and shamefulin our nature)This concept, of man transcending his nature, and the use of the word “transcend” to describe it, is universal and commonplace.The New Genetic Medicine: Theological and Ethical Reflections – Page 135by Thomas Anthony Shannon, James J. Walter – Science – 2003 – 176 pages We also seem to have a capacity to transcend our naturethrough acts in which we seek, for example, the good of another, or in which we love someone for hisIs Human Nature Obsolete?: Genetics, Bioengineering, and the Future of the … – Page 289by Timothy K. Casey, Harold W. Baillie, ( – Medical – 2005 Is freedom an illusion, or do we have the capacity to transcend our nature?  Reflective Faith: Essays in Philosophical Theology – Page 77 by Austin Marsden Farrer, Charles Carl Conti – Religion – 1972 – 234 pages The connatural object is finite physical being which transcends in some degree our faculties, but does not transcend our nature, for we share the same G.W.F. Hegel: Critical Assessments – Page 328 by Robert Stern – 1993 not believe that these norms of conduct are solely products of our rational autonomous will, that we could or should completely transcend our nature. Eight Theories of Ethics – Page 178 by Gordon Graham – Philosophy – 2004 – 221 pages It is this freedom to transcend our nature that … Thoreau’s Living Ethics: Walden and the Pursuit of Virtue – Page 225 by Cafaro, Philip – Philosophy – 2004 – 296 pages We are the animals who transform and transcend our natureHegel’s Theory of Madness – Page 127 by Daniel Berthold-Bond – Philosophy – 1995 ourselves as more sublime, as beings who transcend our nature as incarnated subjects, and to coincide with our image of the self as an immortal spirit. Spiritual Communion: Based Upon the Mother’s Prayers and Meditations – Page 61 by Madhav Pundalik Pandit, Mother – 1986 – 455 pages There are two ways of arriving at the Divine: one to transcend our nature, our formation in this triple ignorance, go beyond it; the other and easier way is A Daoist Theory of Chinese Thought: A Philosophical Interpretation by Chad D. Hansen – Philosophy – 1992 – 464 pages Page 22 This model, religiously inclined champions of human dignity will insist, denies the unique human ability to transcend our nature that makes us better than “Man is in fact, a creature who continually transcends nature, life itself…  (Time Magazine,March 8, 1948, “Faith for a Lenten Age.” “A saga of man attempting to transcend his narrow nature.”  (Iseshar Malik, Man in relation to his Environment, 1997, Chapter 11.) “Man is a unique creature who can transcend the limits of his nature.” (The End of History and the Last Man, Francis Fukuyama, p. 15) The Christian Topography of Cosmas, an Egyptian Monk – Page 117 by John Watson McCrindle, Cosmas – Religion – 1897 – 398 pages All which things are marvellous and transcend our nature or our state. Another Note. In the days of Joshua, the son of Nun, the sun stood still. This concept is also to be found in: Adin Steinsaltz: The Long Shorter Way, the Strife of the Spirit, p. 40) “..the aim of man is not to be an angel on earth. Man’s task is to reveal God’s being in the lower world- and this  is done by elevating the base and low elements and exalting them” (Yishei Fliesher, Israel insider May 27, 2007) The rebbe from Slonim says that there is a smilar nachas for God himself. He states in his book NETIVOT SHALOM: “that just like a regular father, God loves it when His children love each other and are together…” get angry and I yell at the baby ( a mother yelling at her kids? Wow.) “shouted, furious” When you transcend your nature
Shut up, shut up, shut up! she screamed, something suddenly snapping.Character loses control. My character is screaming at a little crying baby.  She isn’t such a tzadik.  She actually screams.“Shut up” is a common American expression. If you Google it, you will get 355,0000 examples in English books in ten seconds..Mothering and Ambivalence – Page 137by Wendy Hollway, Brid Featherstone – Family & Relationships – 1997 As the baby screamed, Hannah was shouting back at her: ‘Shut up, shut up, you are driving me potty.’ She told me to make her cry harder and more loudly.

I Shoulda Been Home Yesterday – Page 176by David Harris – Social Science – 1976 – 234 pages “Shut up!” he screamed. “You’ll talk when you’re asked, you hear?”

Growing Wings – Page 81 by Laurel Winter – Juvenile Fiction – 2000 – 195 pages “Shut up,” Linnet screamed, sitting up, fists clenched. “You don’t know anything about it.” “That’s because you won’t tell—” “Shut up, shut up, shut up.

The Other Half Of The Dream – Page 56by Cecil Helman – Poetry – 2004 – 85 pages “Oh shut up, she screamed, Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!, you’re driving me mad,Managing Anger: Stories and Activities Based on Punch and the Pawn – Page 40by Fiona Angwin, Jeff Foster – Education – 2001 – 96 pages ‘Oh, shut up/ screamed Judy, ‘shut up, shut up, shut up/ She was just about to run upstairs to see what was wrong with the baby, when she heard the Pawnhe Ballad of the Sad Café and Other Stories – Page 150by Carson McCullers – Fiction – 2005 – 152 pages On the road from Portland to San Diego ‘ ‘Aw shut up!’ screamed Leo suddenly. ‘Shut up! Shut up!’ The old man still held the collar of the boy’s jacket; The Best of Friends – Page 256by Joanna “Trollope – Fiction – 1998 – 304 pages H/-* tl Gus— “Shut up!” Gus screamed. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He lifted one foot and kicked the nearest kitchen chair so hard that it crashed away from

Under Goliath – Page 137by Peter Carter – 1977 – 176 pages ‘Just wait until next month, that’s all.’ And then Mam turned round and her face had gone dead white. ‘Shut up!’ she screamed. ‘Shut up! .Ashes to Ashes – Page 402by Tami Hoag – Fiction – 1999 – 484 pages “Shut up!” he screamed again. He turned and slapped her across the mouth with the back of his hand. “Shut up! Shut up!Poison Apples – Page 42by Nancy Means Wright – Fiction – 2005 – 340 pages “Shut up!” he screamed at the closed door. “Shut up! You have no business here! Leave me in peace!” Still the voices rose, circled his head;
“I felt like screaming “shut up.” Baruch Hashem I didn’t.”Shapiro “baruch hashem” doesn’t lose control.  She would like to say it but doesn’t. She is dealing with a little girl calling out from her bed.  She doesn’t yell at her.
The baby looked startled. He was strangely silent for a few minutes (and then his heartbreaking, terrified screams beganThe baby is holding his breath waiting to scream. He cries furiously. Shadow passed over his face. Silent surprise (Corinaldi leaves out) at this abrupt resurrection of mother as enemyThe “shadow’ which passes over  her child’s face in response to being slapped hard, twice shows his surprise that his “tzadakis” mother has lost control again.  He is an older child. He is not breath holding, getting ready to  scream.  He smiles: “With downcast eyes and a tiny smile…”
She was so tired, so incredibly achingly tired……A strong wave of nausea enveloped her. (p. 137)Nausea and tiredness are happening at the same time. My character actually has a virus.“I’m so tired, so very tired, I can’t even imagine having another baby!”  (p.42)But every religious woman not using birth control is always terrified that nausea and tiredness may mean another pregnancy.  This is just the way it is. It happened to me many times.Dvorah is not constantly tired through the story.  She has a new baby and stomach virus. It’s hard for me to write I’m so tired (p.76)She isn’t nauseaus and tired. Just tired. She’d tired the entire book “Tonight I’m even too tired to yell.” (p.76)Only four pages later, in a different context does the nausea kick in. (p.80) “I’m nauseated again this morning.”Unlike my character, her nausea and tiredness are really a pregnancy.tired (p.80)constantly tired (p.81)
You couldn’t get pregnant while your were nursing (p. 138)She is comforting herself.  This is a common myth among haredi women “I see no way out of being constantly exhausted. Two pregnancies in such a close succession. I won’t be able to nurse Eli for two years.She is angry she can’t nurse her baby for two years, because a new one will need to be nursed.
I was so angry and resentful when I thought I was pregnant again.She isn’t out of control. Expresses her feelings. Finding out that I’m pregnant…Desperately out of control and overwhelmed. p. 86.She never says she’s angry or resentful. Just overwhelmed.   Not the same thing at all. Ability to be calm….
Dishes were piled high in the sink…..There didn’t seem to be any supper. 139This is the husband who is upset, not the wife.  She isn’t mentioned as being upset at all at the housework not getting done. It makes me depressed and angry not to get the housework done.”80This is Shapiro, the mother, who is upset at herself. In my book, it’s the husband.
She would call her mother and get into bed and rest 138She calls her mother. A vacation isn’t an option.  (Well, if you had a virus and were tired, what would you do? Dance a tango?)Doesn’t mention husband. I’d go on a vacation…or else climb into bed and let my husband take over. 93
I’m not such a good mother P. 141She is  not unclear. She thinks she’s not a good mother.  Shapiro is “ambiguious” mixed feelings. She’s not sure she’s a good mother, even though she is beating her kids up left and right and constantly screaming at them, still, she’s not sure…..   My character is worried about yelling at her baby, once. And of course, she never hits the baby.But Shapiro says my character is based on her, and I “twisted” all the wonderful things she says about being a haredi  mother,  making her  into something shameful…..My character Dvorah is a much nicer person than Shapiro. I have to accustom myself to the ambuiguity of my struggle to be a good mother. I’ll never know how I’m doing.p. 77Shapira isn’t sure about her behavior, even though she is  beating up her kids all the time.  Ambuiguity means she has mixed feelings about her behavior.  My character is horrified at herself.
She had everything a woman could want, hadn’t she? And now God was probably looking down on her and thinking “Ungrateful wretch!….p. 139She is alone with her thoughts. No one is looking over her shoulder. She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.  She thinks only about God looking down on her, thinking her ungrateful. She tries to talk herself into being happy, but she misses teaching. She hates being home. I kept imagining what these women were thinking: You should be happy p. 84I doubt many other relgious women would be ungrateful p. 85She is in front of a group of haredi women talking about her feelings of being pregnant again. She is embarrassed that her thinking is not correct, that they’ll judge her.
God will punish me….p. 139This thought precedes the  “she had everything a woman could want.”Again, she is worried that she will be punished for her thoughts, she personally; she isn’t worried about a deformed child or being ungrateful for a pregnancy, because she isn’t pregnant.Shapiro is worried about her acts, about admitting  publicly she doesn’t want to be pregnant.  She isn’t afraid of a deformity in a child.But this is common. every religious person is afraid of being punished by God, especially when it comes to pregnancy.The Hand of God: A Journey from Death to Life by the Abortion Doctor Who … – Page 57by Bernard N. Nathanson – Biography & Autobiography – 2001 – 206 pages Will God punish me for what I have done by making me barren? For myself, I was the consummate consequentialist; the questions crowding my mind dealt almostKeeping Your Kids Sexually Pure: A How-To Guide for Parents, Pastors, Youth … – Page 107 by La Verne Tolbert – Family & Relationships – 2002 – 176 pages He turned his back on me, and the pregnancy became for me a not-so-blessed Guilt, despair, and hopelessness taunted me. God would surely punish me. The Beat of Life – Page 175 by Barbara Probst Solomon – Fiction – 1999 – 228 pages The others—but God will punish me, and there will be no more . . – but if there were others, I couldn’t love them. To make up for this one’s not being born The Anthropology of Politics: A Reader in Ethnography, Theory, and Critique – Page 49 by Joan Vincent – Social Science – 2002 – 476 pages ‘ ‘Will God punish me for these thoughts? Rebecca, who reportedly lost a pregnancy as a result of the beating, Secret Sin: When God‘s Children Choose Abortion – Page 19 by Mary Comm – Religion – 2006 – 108 pages God will punish me by not allowing me to have children, or by taking the children I already have.”) • Disruption of the Bonding Process with Present or Reproductive Decision Making and the Value of Children in Rural Papua New Guinea – Page 191 by Nancy McDowell – 1988 – 287 pages One woman, asking me for contraceptives, told me how ashamed she was to have given birth after primarily on religious grounds (‘God will punish me) Shattered Dreams – Lonely Choices: Birthparents of Babies with Disabilities … – Page 128 by Joanne Finnegan – Family & Relationships – 1993 – 208 pages other children get sick that it could be some fatal illness—”Is God going to punish me? doing all the things that will be so difficult for Hollie. PEP Broadsheet – Page 23 by Political and Economic Planning – 1978 When I was going down to the theatre I was thinking ‘Will God punish me? who was not morally reprehensible to be threatened with an unwanted pregnancy. A Gift of the Emperor – Page 76 by Therese S. Park – Fiction – 2005 – 252 pages Would God punish me for this? I overheard the nurse whispering, “Doctor Kuwana, become pregnant, we will soon run out of medical supplies The Courtyard – Page 465 by Natalie L. Kirkpatrick – Religion – 2004 – 536 pages I was scared God was going to punish me for not wanting him and take him away from I asked him if it was God’s will for BJ to live and he said Life was Southwest Review – Page 70 by University of Texas, Southern Methodist University – 1924 Mother says, “Chana, it is not good to be always angry. God will punish you for that.” “God will punish me ? The Methods of Ethics – Page 32 by Henry Sidgwick The moral imperative may be taken to be a law of God, to the breach of which cannot be identified with the judgment ” God will punish me if I do not The Dublin University Magazine: A Literary and Political Journal – Page 307 1870 Do you think God will punish me for loving you ?” She put this question to him Broke of Covenden – Page 375 by John Collis Snaith – 1905 – 582 pages But God will punish me.” The Works of William Shakespeare – Page 604 by William Shakespeare, William George Clark, William Aldis Wright – 1867 – 1075 pages Be patient yet. before, Or God will punish me. Ï do believe, The Journal of Marie Bashkirtseff by Marie Bashkirtseff – 1890 Page 382 I didn’t have that feeling, and God will punish me for it. And will my emotion of this evening be taken into account ? I was scared that by speaking openly and complaining, I was inviting punishment,Again, she is worried about doing this publicly.“I feared my lack of appreciation could God forbid, bring deformity or ill health on the child. (84) etc.
She was filled with guilt and remorse (139)She feels guilty.  She is still praying not to be pregnant.{Note: Religious women who feel guilty about not wanting to be pregnant?  Who feel God will punish them? Please. That’s 9/10’s of the women in Meah Shearim.)Like Mother, Like Daughter – Page 259by Marcia Rose – Fiction – 1995 She fell asleep, they both did, and when she came awake with a start, it was dusk and she was filled with guilt and remorse. She had beenPastoral Psychology – Page 45by Princeton Theological Seminary – 1950 spree— all on clothes for herself—and the process would begin all over again. After every one of these episodes she was filled with guilt and remorse.

Women of Uneasy Virtue: Tales of Korea in the Modern Warlord Era – Page 1140by Paul Luchessa – Fiction – 2000 She was filled with guilt and remorsefor a week.
There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty (85)She’s telling Shapiro NOT to feel guilty about not wanting another child.
“A virus, “ she told herself…..Mrs. Kornbluth upstairs had it. The grocery lady had it. It was going around. I can’t be pregnant, I just can’t.”137-138)It was going around.  She isn’t pregnant.But I remember feeling this many times. hoping it was a virus and not morning sickness.  The connection between sickness and pregnancy, and the uncertainty if it’s one or the other is universal.Mantrapped – Page 131by Fay Weldon – Fiction – 2004 – 272 pages Doralee feels sick. It is probably the chocolates. Most were marzipan. She does not understand herself. She hopes she is not pregnant, and catching Showers in Season – Page 36by Beverly LaHaye, Terri Blackstock – Fiction – 2002 – 400 pages “So is it true?” Barry asked. Have you been sick?’ She shrugged “Must be a stomach virus. I don’t know.”You don’t need to be standing over this if you’re sick.” “Yeah, I’m probably spreading germs “You’re not pregnant, are you?” She couldn’t help grinning back.The Ghost – Page 330 by Danielle “Steel – Fiction – 1997 – 352 pages “Are you sick?” “Not exactly,” she said, and he was suddenly worried. “I’m pregnant,” she continued, and knocked the wind right out of him.

The Houseman’s Tale – Page 30by Colin Douglas – 1978 – 187 pages And I’m not pregnant. I’m on the Pill and I remember to take it.  ‘Honest, I’m not ill. I’ve got a sore belly and I’ve been sick once. Walking Alone – Page 260by Carolyn McCrae – 2007 – 292 pages She had felt funny for a few weeks, not sick, not ill, just odd. How could she have been so blind? Of course she was pregnant. She had alwaysSwimming in the Ocean: A Novel – Page 83by Jenkins, Catherine, 1962- – Fiction – 2002 – 204 pages I’m not pregnant anymore, but I’m still sick, can’t keep anything down. For days, weeks, I lie on the couch in silence, feeling the weight of my body meltA Girl at Twenty: Six Months in the Life of the Young Madeleine – Page 125by Mrs. Robert Henrey – Biography & Autobiography – 1974 – 224 pages You should learn not to be so sensitive.’ ‘It’s all these women!’ I said. ‘I continually feel sick,’ I said to Wendy. ‘You’re not pregnant?
Getting Pregnant: What Couples Need to Know Right Now – Page 125by Niels H. Lauersen, Colette Bouchéz – Medical – 1991 – 347 pages SHE HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS PREGNANT By the next morning she was awake and alert and very….  It might be a virus or nervous tension. He told her to eat lightly and try some Forever Kaleigh – Page 197by Kimberly Herbert – Fiction – 2002 – 284 pages She may just have a nasty virus on. . . “ He started. “On what?” I interrupted. “Maybe she’s pregnant.” He said with a laugh. I shook myInfertility and Patriarchy: The Cultural Politics of Gender and Family Life … – Page 202by Marcia Claire ( Inhorn – Health & Fitness – 1996 – 296 pages Whenever I’m sick and in bed, my mother-in-law tells me, “Ah, you must be pregnant,” even when she knows I’m not. For example, one day,Literal Madness – Page 259by Kathy Acker – Fiction – 1994 (Pause) Maybe I’m sick? Bedmate: At least you’re not pregnant. Her Best Friend’s Lover – Page 82 by Shiloh Walker – Fiction – 2004 – 264 pages “Dale, I’m pregnant, not sick, not dying. I feel fine,” she insisted. She stared at him, bemused and wondering if he was this bad now, how would he have

Cally’s Warby John Ringo, Julie Cochrane – Fiction – 2004 – 336 pages I can’t even remember the last time I was sick with something. And I sure as hell am not pregnant, thank God. She stalked into the kitchen and resumed theWhat a Woman’s Gotta Do – Page 64by Evelyn Coleman – Fiction – 1999 – 392 pages “No, I’m not sick,” and then louder, “And I’m not pregnant.” “Hmmm. Sin, ain’t it? A body can’t be a woman and be sick without some old hag thinking she Southwest Review – Page 62by Southern Methodist University, University of Texas – 1924 Honey, are you sick and you’re not telling me?” “No, I’m not sick. No, I’m not worried about that any more.” “You’re not pregnant?” her mama askedYour Death Would Be Mine: Paul And Marie Pireaud in the Great War – Page 131by Martha Hanna – Biography & Autobiography – 2006 – 341 pages “You tell me that you are sick could this not be a sign of pregnancy? Although Marie was not pregnant in October 1915, she certainly was by January Nisa: The Life and Words of a !Kung Woman – Page 191 by Marjorie Shostak – Social Science – 1990 – 402 pages Maybe I’m sick. My stomach is upset and inside, it is pushing about. I said, “You’re wrong, I’m not pregnant.” Surgery, Gynecology & Obstetrics by The American College of Surgeons, Franklin H. Martin Memorial Foundation – 1913 Page 266 She came back again and had no “spotting” of blood, and I examined her to see whether she was pregnant or not. The nausea had subsided and the colostrum The Dublin Journal of Medical Science 1873 Page 474 He had seen the most typical case of morning sickness of pregnancy where the lady was not pregnant at all. She would be sick on getting out of bed;
(SECOND TIME THIS IS USED)One of the women in the neighborhood told me she and her children had it. I do think it must me that I have the virus. (80)She doesn’t. She’s pregnant. And viruses have a way of moving around.
She picked up the phone and dialed the clinic.  She would go in and take  a pregnancy test 138She might be pregnant. So she takes a test  (amazing coincidence) She to make an appointment to have a test done to rule out a pregnancy.On the Outside Looking In: A Year at an Inner-City High School – Page 98by Cristina Rathbone – Education – 1999 – 400 pages Determined to take a pregnancy test, she barely greeted him, didn’t ask after “Not in private but—I want to take a pregnancy test,” Lucille said..The Conception Chronicles: The Uncensored Truth About Sex, Love & Marriage … – Page 42by Patty Doyle Debano, Courtney Edgerton Menzel, Shelly Dicken Sutphen – Health & Fitness – 2005 – 281 pages she was really convinced, so she decided it was time to take a pregnancy test. She didn’t have any in the house, so she ran out to the local pharmacy.Beneath Wings Of An Angel: Healing the Child Within, a Spiritual Healing … – Page 26by Janice Romney Farnsworth – Body, Mind & Spirit – 2004 – 336 pages First I had to take a pregnancy test. Several days later when the test results were finished, I had another appointment. The woman I saw didn’t see my The Complete Guide for the Anxious Bride: How to Avoid Everything that Could … – Page 15 by Leah Ingram – Reference – 2004 – 224 pages So why not give yourself some peace of mind and take a pregnancy test? There are plenty of store-bought tests that can predict a pregnancy with great I’ll have to get a test done… it’s one thirty, and they are going to have the answer at three. I can call for it. 80She goes in and  will call in for the results.
It was shlili.Shlili? he said almost stupidly,Negative. That is, I’m not. 140My CHARACTERS ARE BOTH ISRAELI.  THEY UNDERSTAND THE HEBREW, HE JUST DOESN’T PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER  That’s why I wrote: “Almost stupidly.”140 The results are positiveWhat does that mean. I didn’t understand those Hebrew words.HER CHARACTERS ARE ALL AMERICANS, WHO HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THE LANGUAGE.THE RESULTS ARE POSITIVE. She’s pregnant. 80
She tried to imagine her mother and father having this conversation and felt her cheeks burn with shame…. 141She is having a private discussion with her husband about BIRTH CONTROLCorinaldi’s HEBREW TRANSLATION: THEY ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT HER ANGER: THAT IS NOT TRUE: THEY ARE SPEAKING ABOUT HER DESIRE TO USE BIRTH CONTROL.(p. 13 of book of comparisons) The last workshop of the series was devoted to my fear of being pregnant I was self-conscious talking about being pregnant in front of everyone. 84Again, Corinaldi is recyling the same material.  Shapiro in front of her workshop talking about being unhappily pregnant and feeling self conscious
I lose my temper all the time.All the time? (141)AGAIN, CORINALDI USES THE SAME QUOTE YET AGAIN (see page 2 of comparison chart)  Shapiro is angry the entire  book, so has to recyle my quotes about anger for each one of hers.“often,” and “all the time” are NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL. My anger, Rav Simcha, I lose my temper with my children and my husband. (87Often?Corinaldi has referred to this  now for the third timeWorld Enough and Time: Conversations with Canadian Women at Midlife – Page 18by Mudry, Andrea – Social Science – 1996 There were rages, where I’d lose my temper, then feel extremely depressed. One day, I was so angry that I almost killed my husband You Can’t Kill the Spirit: Women in a Welsh Mining Village – Page 72by Jill Miller – 1986 I lost my temper more easily with the children too: it was a case of I felt worse about being bad tempered with the children than I did with my husbandLife As a Mommy – Page 38 (this book is exactly the same as Shapiro’s – a mother’s diary about keeping her temper. Maybe she should sue her.) by Cathy Spigarelli – Family & Relationships – 2006 – 260 pages In my case, lack of sleep has lead to more than a handful of tirades. Although temper was not a big issue prior to having children, since having children
Again, this is all recycled from page 1 of comparison chart. Puts it all in twice to make it seem larger
Is that your nature? (141)This is a question.  Shapiro’s is a statement. It is your natureEveryday Osho: 365 Daily Meditations for the Here and Now – Page 199 it is your nature and your nature cannot be lost. That’s why we call it nature. That which cannot be lost is the very definition of nature.The Living Age – Page 655by Making of America Project, Eliakim Littell, Robert S. Littell – 1883 It is your nature to be like that, I suppose, and 1 don’t quarrel with you for it, any more than one quarrels with dogs for delighting to bark andThe Eustace Diamonds – Page 532by Anthony Trollope – Fiction – 2004 – 656 pages “It is your nature—but, dear Lady Eustace, will you allow me to say that our nature is implanted in us in accordance with the Fall?Earth at Omega: Passage to Planetization – Page 78by Donald Keys – 1982 If it is your nature; Which you can be active about If it is your nature; Which you can be joyous about If it is you nature; But no more indifferent. Meditation: The Art of Ecstasy – Page 17 by Osho – Body, Mind & Spirit – 1992 It is not an act at all; it is your nature, a very intrinsic quality of your being. You are awareness. It is your unawareness that is your achievement Slayer: Black Miracles – Page 154 by Karen Koehler – Fiction – 2002 – 304 pages It is your nature to do so. It is your nature to be what you are. And you cannot deny your nature, now can you? Belgravia – Page 255 by Mary Elizabeth Braddon – 1877 I do not blame you for that; it is your nature, Mary Lamb by Anne Burrows Ghilchrist – 1883 – 336 pages Page 113 all this gives me no offense, because it is your nature and your temper, and I do not expect or want you to be otherwise than you are
If it is, won’t I be able to change?She doesn’t say this is her nature. She doesn’t know.  She is discussing a possibility that might or might not be true.deals, Images, and Real Lives: Women in Literature and History – Page 203by Alice Thorner, Maithreyi Krishna Raj, Sameeksha Trust (Bombay, India) – Social Science – 2000 – 353 pages She taunts him once again and asks, ‘How can I change my naturenow?

Meditations in sickness and old age – Page 20by Baptist Wriothesley Noel – 1837 How can I change my nature? Left to myself, I should be for ever ungodly; and therefore I richly deserve to be for ever miserable.

Janus, a Romantic Comedy – Page 127by Carolyn Green – 1956 – 179 pages How can I change my nature?Jack Hopeton: Or, The Adventures of a Georgian – Page 222by William Wilberforce Turner – 1860 – 364 pages Perhaps I am wrong, mother; but how can I change my nature?Ropes of sand, by W.P. Lancaster – Page 61by John Byrne Leicester Warren – 1869 Yet how can I change my nature ?.The nursery governess, by the author of ‘The week’. – Page 86by Nursery governess – 1845 But how can I change my nature, or throw away my reserve ? ‘ Say rather, change your habits and your views,— and your estimate of the value
My nature….|you mean I won’t be able to change?She is surprised at this statement about her, and wants to know if there is any chance for her.
Can a fish become a lion? He smiled sadly.  You’ll have this nature until you die.”Again, he is saying, sadly,  if she has this nature.  We don’t know.(see page 1. Again, recycled) Can an apple become a pear?  His black eyes twinkled. You’ll have this nature until you die.He seems very happy about telling her she is never going to be able to change. His eyes “twinkle” which denotes a happy person.
Repetition of earlier quote about man’s nature.God gave you this nature so that you should constantly work to overcome it. If you were  always perfect, always feeling correctly, acting piously, you might feel like the creator of yourself, your own boss. It’s weakness that reminds us of God that makes us cry out ot him in need.This was the nature that God gave man (Rambam, Guide to the Preplexed, p 275)

אשר אין ענינו שהוא [האדם] נברא בגלל כך אלא הודעה על טבעו אשר הטביעו יתעלה בו [ז”א הקב”ה] – רמב”ם – מורה נבוכים חלק ג’ פרק י”ג

An acute awareness of God’s presence brings us humility.

“וכשמחשב בדברים האלו עצמן [“במעשיו וברואיו הנפלאים הגדולים”] מיד הוא נרתע לאחוריו ויפחד ויודע שהוא בריאה קטנה ושפלה …” רמב”ם הלכות יסודי התורה פרק ב’, הלכה ב’

Pslams, Samson Raphael Hirsch תהילים – פירושו של הרב שמשון רפאל הירש למזמור ק”ג For when God created and chose us…he was well aware of our desires, of our particular nature and disposition. He remembered that like all other human being we too were earthly creatures and as such prone to error, indeed, the moral shortcomings that adhered to use were taken into account when we where chosen, for it was precisely through them that the wondrous might of Divine discipline was to be demonstrated…therefore, despite all our errors, we could never lose his fatherly love. God needs your particular pain and headache and worry.  See this wretched man I have created, with all his troubles and worries and pains, in spite of it all, he stands up and prays to me Lousia May Alcott, Little Women: p. 91 It’s my dreadful temper! I try to cure it, I think I have and then it breaks out worse than ever. Oh, mother, Whatever shall I do? Cried Jo in despair. Watch and pray, dear. Never get tired of trying and never thik its impossible to cure your fault.  The troubles and temptations of your life may be many but you can overcome and outlive them.  All of you learn to feel strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your eathly one.  The more you love and trust Him, the nearer you will feel to him. His love and care never tire of change, can never be taken from you but become a source of lifelong peace, happiness and strength.’

bump in wallrepeated
repeatedcan’t get angry at baby
Doesn’t god have more important things on his mind than me and my temper (142)This is similar but not exactly the same things. “more important things on his mind” is a common phrase. I was skeptical that god would pay that much attention.  Doesn’t He have more important things on His mind.  (88)

My God and I: A Spiritual Memoir – Page 107by Lewis B. Smedes – Religion – 2003 – 198 pages I was skeptical. What with the whole world on his hands, would God care that much about whether Jan had his dress-up suit on when he went to his grave?

In My Father’s House: Finding Your Heart’s True Home – Page 168by Mary A. Kassian – Religion – 2005 – 231 pages Father God has more important things to think about than me. • I’m afraid he’s going to disappoint me. • He doesn’t really care. • I’m not importantGet Up Off Your Knees: Preaching the U2 Catalog – Page 198by Raewynne J. Whiteley, Beth Maynard – Religion – 2003 – 212 pages unrealistic: Surely God has more important things to worry about than me. • other 2. Have you had an experience where you felt like God tookGilgamesh: A Novel – Page 155by Joan London – Fiction – 2003 – 272 pages ‘God has more important things to do these days.’ ‘True. He doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to us any moreA Woman After My Own Heart – Page 30by Rose Marie Holsing – Religion – 2002 – 108 pages God has more important things to do. Perhaps you know for a fact the statement is wrong because you have never had your prayers answered May the Wind Be at Your Back: Reflections in the Shade – Page 35 by Michael Tracey – Religion – 2003 – 220 pages that God has more important things to do and more important people to listen to than them with their insignificant and trivial prayers and requests. Wind Chimes: Inspiring Stories on Grief and Grace – Page 51 by Tom Sikes – Self-Help – 2003 – 96 pages God has more important things with which to deal, but he takes time for us, even when we are old, worn out, and dented from years of a hand life.

Nachas, discussed earlier.transcend discussed earlier.
Dina and Yaakov –Does Shapiro know that these names are also in the Bible?  Also Dina was the biblical character who was raped and brought disgrace to her family.  In my book Dina is a Sotah, that’s why I chose the name.Yaakov was Dinah’s father in the Bible, unless Shapiro and Corinaldi is also copyrighting that these days.